Depending on where you are and what time I actually post this for the first time, you may have already entered the new year. Congratulations to you on another wonderful year of life in this difficult but glorious world. I'm in a mind to think of resolutions. This is the first time in many years that I don't have alcohol or worse in my presence to ring in the new year. I think of the major turning point in my life that I had in May of 2010 when I accepted Jesus into my life and asked for His help with my drinking. Many of you know that I consider a dramatic difference between believing and following and that is the time that I changed from a believer to a follower.
I don't usually even worry about resolutions, I've always considered them a waste of time and energy. I mean, let's be real, if you normally attend a gym to exercise in, you know what happens for the next 2 to 4 months. You'll be lucky to get a machine, or a class with all the temporary people there. By March, nearly all of them will be gone, back to their old habits and putting back on the weight they may have lost over the past few months. I would be one of those if I made that resolution.
What about treating people better? Being a follower of Christ I have begun to treat others much better already and intend to continue to improve. But if I wasn't a follower, without my heart being changed by regular bible study and prayer, honestly people would just begin to irritate me after about 2 weeks and I'd get just as cantankerous as before.
What about work? How about trying to improve my station in life by working harder, getting that promotion, stepping on someone else to climb a little higher? Doesn't really sound like me, does it?
I could honestly do better about my eating habits. When I'm at work it's not uncommon for me to eat out 2-4 times a week. So there is one to consider, and even if I only stick to it for a couple of months I'll save the family a chunk of change.
So, with all this in consideration, and knowing my own laziness that God is working on, little by little, I think I have a good idea for my resolution. I do hereby resolve to continue my studies of the Bible, the word of God. I also do hereby resolve to open myself up to Him more so that He may work through me and His light shine from me for others to see. I ask that He continues to shape me as clay on the potter's wheel and uses me as His tool for His work in our world. That I remember the lessons I have learned of peace and tolerance and that when I speak the word to others it's with love and humbleness in my heart.
As I enter the new year, I have classes that I'm going to be taking in January and February on money management and peacemaking, both with an emphasis on the Christian view and how we think Jesus wants us to handle these things. I hope to get a bead on a couple of my personal issues that have eluded me. Money, I've never had much and so need to learn how to handle what I have to make the most of it. How will the teachings of Jesus from 2,000 years ago translate into our modern terms? Peacemaking is one of those things I used to know how to do, but in the past 20 years I've become harsher, more cynical and less patient. I'm looking forward to seeing how Jesus wants me to react to adversity and how to deal with conflict.
So as you enter the new year, give some thought to your resolutions and what you can do to bring yourself closer to God in His perfect love. We are all works in progress, with different points to work on, different desires, challenges, habits, hang-ups and hurts. We think we can handle it on our own, but we're wrong. We need Him and we need each other to change us into the community of believers that He needs to do His work and bring Heaven on Earth.
Friday, December 31, 2010
Sunday, December 26, 2010
Christ-mass
Yes, note the spelling. What can I say? I love Christ! I love Christmas! I love everything about it, the music the lights, the co-opted pagan rituals and decorations, the love for your fellow man, the giving, the receiving, the food...Not so fond of not drinking during it.
This was my first Christmas without buying some good ole Pennsylvania Dutch Egg Nogg complete with the whiskey, rum, etc. in many years. Add to that the usual family get together with the conspicuous absence of the usual two or three bottles of wine. To be honest, I wasn't the only one with a problem with alcohol there yesterday, I was just the only one in Recovery. I'm actually pretty sure that it was because of the other person there wasn't any alcohol there, not me. But I am thankful for its absence.
It wasn't difficult to get through the Holy Day without drinking, it just kind of felt missing. I don't want to say lacking because it was one of the more spiritual Christmas's I've had in my 40 years. So there was great joy and thankfulness to the day and season. There's what your accustomed to, and what you do. What I did was focus on Jesus Christ and His birth and arrival on this little blue rock and what it meant to us as a world.
There are those who focus on the gifting, good will towards men, decorations, and feasting. But I think we miss something big when we don't focus on the word. Christmas, Christ-mass, Mass for Jesus Christ, the Son of Man, in celebration of the newborn King over all the world. I saw a video put out by a Christian where he change it to Jesusmas. I kind of like that.
Honestly, the guy is kind of goofy but he has done a lot of research and I've used some of the information he uses. I hope the video comes up for you. This is the first time I've tried to do this but if it works I will have learned something new.
Thursday, December 23, 2010
Imagining the first Christmas
Luke 2
The Birth of Jesus
1 In those days Caesar Augustus issued a decree that a census should be taken of the entire Roman world. 2 (This was the first census that took place while[a] Quirinius was governor of Syria.) 3 And everyone went to their own town to register.4 So Joseph also went up from the town of Nazareth in Galilee to Judea, to Bethlehem the town of David, because he belonged to the house and line of David. 5 He went there to register with Mary, who was pledged to be married to him and was expecting a child. 6 While they were there, the time came for the baby to be born, 7 and she gave birth to her firstborn, a son. She wrapped him in cloths and placed him in a manger, because there was no guest room available for them.
8 And there were shepherds living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night. 9 An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified. 10 But the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid. I bring you good news that will cause great joy for all the people. 11 Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is the Messiah, the Lord. 12 This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger.”
13 Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying,
14 “Glory to God in the highest heaven,
and on earth peace to those on whom his favor rests.”
15 When the angels had left them and gone into heaven, the shepherds said to one another, “Let’s go to Bethlehem and see this thing that has happened, which the Lord has told us about.”
16 So they hurried off and found Mary and Joseph, and the baby, who was lying in the manger. 17 When they had seen him, they spread the word concerning what had been told them about this child, 18 and all who heard it were amazed at what the shepherds said to them. 19 But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart. 20 The shepherds returned, glorifying and praising God for all the things they had heard and seen, which were just as they had been told.
21 On the eighth day, when it was time to circumcise the child, he was named Jesus, the name the angel had given him before he was conceived.
Okay, I admit, I just copied and pasted this from Biblegateway.com. But it saved me a bunch of typing, so why not?
Let's step back in time to the night the Jesus was born. We celebrate Christmas in the winter right around the winter solstice, but most people are aware that we really don't know the time of year that He was born. We can get a feel for what season it may have been, though. We read that Rome wanted a census taken. I'm sure for much the same reasons we have them today. It's doubtful they would have had people travelling around during the dead of winter, or during the spring planting, high summer when the field needed to be worked, or early fall during the harvest. So it must have been around mid fall after the harvest, say around late September by the calender we use today.
So, here is Joseph and Mary, her very pregnant, having to travel to Bethlehem for a Census. There are those that argue with this that Luke wrote this just to put Jesus in the town of David at the time of His birth. I wasn't there, and all I really have to go by is the Bible. So I'll say yes, they had to make that trip. Now, remember that Mary had been pregnant before they were married, and Joseph knew that he wasn't the father. But he had been told what was going on. That didn't make things any easier for them. As much stigma as can be attached to an unwed mother today, it must have been much worse then. History tells us that he could have put her out, which would have left her with no resources of her own and no means of getting them. She would have been at the mercy of the graciousness of others for a way to survive at all. It would have been a difficult life.
But an angel came to Joseph and explained what was happening, so he stayed with her. Never even consummating the marriage until after the birth of Jesus. THAT, my friends, is an act of faith and love. By attaching himself to this girl (and let's face it, during that time it's doubtful she was over 16 years old) he has actually soiled his name in the eyes of the town. Oh sure, many would say how gracious he is to overlook what happened. How wonderful he is to take on the bastard child, and without the knowledge of who Jesus really is, that is the view they would have had.
Talk about humble beginnings! But it doesn't end there. In Matthew 2 we learn of the Magi who came to see Him and it is written that it is in a house, but in Luke it talks about a manger. What gives? In our modern farms, people live in one place and the farm animals live in another building. 2,000 years ago, however, animals would have frequently been kept in the same place the people stayed. It's much safer for the animals, which are your livelihood, and it was prohibitively expensive to build a barn. So to say Jesus was born in a manger in a house. If He would have been in the manger, that would mean that they had been relegated to staying below with the animals.
Why would God have sent Jesus to earth to be born in such an incredibly humble way? Certainly He could have been an incredible power being born to a wealthy family of power. Perhaps a King or Emperor. But God had always had a special love for the Hebrews. They were the ones that had always stayed true to him in word at least, if not in spirit. We can discuss the Pharisees another time. But there were Hebrews with some power, some money. Why not one of them?
I can think of a couple of reasons. First and foremost, Jesus had come for the masses, for the humble and poor. The ones who needed Him most would be able to relate to Him best. If He had been raised by the wealthy, the vast majority of people would have viewed Him as just another rich man, and He would have not been able to perform His most important task. The rich and powerful were given quick deaths when sentenced. He had to suffer and die for our sins. This can and will be discussed at length. I'm thinking around Easter. It kind of makes sense to me.
There is a second reason for such humble beginnings. Safety. The Son of Man had to have a chance to grow up! In Matthew 2: 13-18 we are told that Joseph, Mary, and Jesus had to flee to Egypt to escape King Herod. So He was hunted from the start. But because He wasn't in a high profile family, it was easy to stay "below the radar".
We know that Jesus could have easily protected Himself from danger, He could have called down a host of angels to be His army. He could have come down and wiped the earth clean of all who opposed Him. But that isn't what our God wants. He gave us free will to choose or not choose. He wants us to choose Him out of love. So to bridge the gap between heaven and earth, between man and God, He sent down a part of Himself.
How great is that?
Saturday, December 18, 2010
Ups and Downs
It's all about the ups and downs in our lives and how we react to them. I'm in the middle of several people's lives and am on the outside looking in, trying to take what lessons I can, helping where I can, and not getting sucked in too deep wherever possible.
On the up side, and there are a few up sides in my friend's lives, my friends that came to my Celebrate Recovery meeting last week and this week are doing really well. They spent the night last night (not recommended if these aren't people you've known a VERY long time when you consider that we're dealing with addictions) due to the complications involved in seeing they're children today. I took them up this morning and, aside from no power at the house I dropped them off at due to a wind storm last night, all went off with very little trouble. They did have a couple of downs throughout the night, turns out their camera's memory got wiped accidentally and they lost a bunch of pictures of their children. I thought that got handled fairly well, attitude wise. The other thing I won't disclose at this time without permission and more information, so you'll just have to wait.
Then there's another friend who is in the middle of a REAL down time. Complete relapse that is causing him to lose his job, his girl, his apartment, and quite possibly his freedom. This one is more complicated because, while it's easy to be involved when things are going well, when things go in the toilet, you could get sucked down in the flush if you're too close. I'm trying to be his friend, but at this time he isn't calling back or responding to my texts so there's only so much I can do for him. Last time I talked to him he was sober, it was 7:15 a.m. and he was checking into inpatient care to dry up. Lord we pray that he was able to find the help he needs and that he doesn't respond to my calls because there is no contact allowed there. Amen.
But there's danger in being too involved when things are going well, too. When the bad time comes, whether it be relapse or what, as another person in recovery, you need to insulate yourself somewhat to keep from being pulled down with the other person. This can easily be construed as being 2 faced or not being there for them when they need you. But you have to remember that they didn't call on you when they were at the top of the spiral and be honest with you that they had slipped up or thought they were about to. They most likely hid it or washed over it. Or if they were confronted with it they may have blown you off, not wanting to listen to you. By the time someone is in full blown relapse, and maybe they're drinking or drugging every day or nearly so, there is little you can do to help them. Maintaining contact is something you can do so you are there when they really are ready to climb up, but aside from that, it's up to them.
It's the part of free will that God gave us that we abuse. We can save no soul that doesn't want to be saved, and we can free no addict that doesn't want freedom.
There are others in my life that I want to help, some will let me, others won't. There's some that will let me help them for a while and then when I don't return a call or respond to a text they'll assume that I'm not there for them. They couldn't be more wrong, I have the Holy Spirit on my side and through Him all things that are right and just will happen. There are and will be times that I'm not as close to Jesus as I should be, that's when my own selfishness and ego seem to take over for a bit. At those times, I find it more difficult to be there for others, but I know that is the time I need to work twice as hard, and read twice as much of the Bible. When God tested Job, Job felt the distance of God in a way that I hope I never do. But he never railed against God, he never lost his faith in the everlasting Father. I can only pray that I never lose my faith and understanding even in the face of great danger and hardships that will come.
Ups and downs will come in all our lives, as is the natural ebb and flow of being human. Sometimes the down times are of outside influences, like a job layoff or the death of a loved one. Sometimes they are of our own making, drinking, drugging, sexual immorality, or anger issues. The difference is in how we react to them. Will we be like Job? Steadfast faith in God, not unquestioning, but never wavering. Or will we be like Judas Iscariot? In a moment of weakness giving in to selfish desires at the expense of others only to feel the pain of remorse later for our misdeeds. Job lost much. His entire family killed in an earthquake that brought their house down on top of them, his business in financial ruins, then terrible, potentially disfiguring sickness. Throughout the entire ordeal, he questioned God, but he always revered God. If you know the story, you know that God rewarded him greatly for his faith and Judas Iscariot hung himself, having never even spent his 30 pieces of silver.
So, if you are someone that is putting your faith in another person, be aware, they will fail you. Not intentionally, not with anger or childish feelings, but out of their very humanity. There is only one that will never fail you. I will continue to be there for my friends. If the person that relapsed calls and wants my help, I'll be there. If the ones that I dropped off this morning call, I'll be there. If the one that thinks I'm ignoring her when I didn't answer my phone (I'm betting it was when the phone was off and charging, the battery is almost 2 years old and failing) calls, I'll be there too. I'll do my best to do the right thing for each and every one of you because not only would each one of you do it for me, we have been told that the world will know us by our love for one another.
Be forewarned, I'm still human and sometimes I'm the one that's down. But I will be there to the best of my ability.
On the up side, and there are a few up sides in my friend's lives, my friends that came to my Celebrate Recovery meeting last week and this week are doing really well. They spent the night last night (not recommended if these aren't people you've known a VERY long time when you consider that we're dealing with addictions) due to the complications involved in seeing they're children today. I took them up this morning and, aside from no power at the house I dropped them off at due to a wind storm last night, all went off with very little trouble. They did have a couple of downs throughout the night, turns out their camera's memory got wiped accidentally and they lost a bunch of pictures of their children. I thought that got handled fairly well, attitude wise. The other thing I won't disclose at this time without permission and more information, so you'll just have to wait.
Then there's another friend who is in the middle of a REAL down time. Complete relapse that is causing him to lose his job, his girl, his apartment, and quite possibly his freedom. This one is more complicated because, while it's easy to be involved when things are going well, when things go in the toilet, you could get sucked down in the flush if you're too close. I'm trying to be his friend, but at this time he isn't calling back or responding to my texts so there's only so much I can do for him. Last time I talked to him he was sober, it was 7:15 a.m. and he was checking into inpatient care to dry up. Lord we pray that he was able to find the help he needs and that he doesn't respond to my calls because there is no contact allowed there. Amen.
But there's danger in being too involved when things are going well, too. When the bad time comes, whether it be relapse or what, as another person in recovery, you need to insulate yourself somewhat to keep from being pulled down with the other person. This can easily be construed as being 2 faced or not being there for them when they need you. But you have to remember that they didn't call on you when they were at the top of the spiral and be honest with you that they had slipped up or thought they were about to. They most likely hid it or washed over it. Or if they were confronted with it they may have blown you off, not wanting to listen to you. By the time someone is in full blown relapse, and maybe they're drinking or drugging every day or nearly so, there is little you can do to help them. Maintaining contact is something you can do so you are there when they really are ready to climb up, but aside from that, it's up to them.
It's the part of free will that God gave us that we abuse. We can save no soul that doesn't want to be saved, and we can free no addict that doesn't want freedom.
There are others in my life that I want to help, some will let me, others won't. There's some that will let me help them for a while and then when I don't return a call or respond to a text they'll assume that I'm not there for them. They couldn't be more wrong, I have the Holy Spirit on my side and through Him all things that are right and just will happen. There are and will be times that I'm not as close to Jesus as I should be, that's when my own selfishness and ego seem to take over for a bit. At those times, I find it more difficult to be there for others, but I know that is the time I need to work twice as hard, and read twice as much of the Bible. When God tested Job, Job felt the distance of God in a way that I hope I never do. But he never railed against God, he never lost his faith in the everlasting Father. I can only pray that I never lose my faith and understanding even in the face of great danger and hardships that will come.
Ups and downs will come in all our lives, as is the natural ebb and flow of being human. Sometimes the down times are of outside influences, like a job layoff or the death of a loved one. Sometimes they are of our own making, drinking, drugging, sexual immorality, or anger issues. The difference is in how we react to them. Will we be like Job? Steadfast faith in God, not unquestioning, but never wavering. Or will we be like Judas Iscariot? In a moment of weakness giving in to selfish desires at the expense of others only to feel the pain of remorse later for our misdeeds. Job lost much. His entire family killed in an earthquake that brought their house down on top of them, his business in financial ruins, then terrible, potentially disfiguring sickness. Throughout the entire ordeal, he questioned God, but he always revered God. If you know the story, you know that God rewarded him greatly for his faith and Judas Iscariot hung himself, having never even spent his 30 pieces of silver.
So, if you are someone that is putting your faith in another person, be aware, they will fail you. Not intentionally, not with anger or childish feelings, but out of their very humanity. There is only one that will never fail you. I will continue to be there for my friends. If the person that relapsed calls and wants my help, I'll be there. If the ones that I dropped off this morning call, I'll be there. If the one that thinks I'm ignoring her when I didn't answer my phone (I'm betting it was when the phone was off and charging, the battery is almost 2 years old and failing) calls, I'll be there too. I'll do my best to do the right thing for each and every one of you because not only would each one of you do it for me, we have been told that the world will know us by our love for one another.
Be forewarned, I'm still human and sometimes I'm the one that's down. But I will be there to the best of my ability.
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
God's Amazing Work
Let's see if I can keep it on track tonight.
I've been attending a Celebrate Recovery class for several months now, since the end of May 2010. If you don't know, it's a 12 step program like AA but fully Christian oriented. We have a little social time for the first half hour, a few show up for that. I like to be one of them, but if things are running late it's the easy thing to cut out of the evening. The next hour is dedicated to Bible Study and a lesson plan that's geared towards recovery. After a short break for bathrooms and cigs for the smokers (I gave that one up almost 3 years ago now, drinking was tougher I think) we split up into groups for men and women. This allows for a separate kind of sharing because it allows for the unique differences between how men and women think and share.
I have a pair of friends, they're a couple that have 2 children together and a history of drugs and alcohol. They've both been clean and sober for 8 months now (YEAH!). I've known him for almost 20 years now, and her for just a couple. They reside some distance away in downtown Seattle and attend AA meetings and counseling up there. They recently had to sell their car just to have a Christmas at all.
I've been trying to get them down into my area for months now to come to my C.R. class. He's been blowing me off for a long time now and finally I guess I just wore him down. God decided enough pussy footin around and put it in his heart to make the hour long bus ride with her, after he talked her into it too. Bear in mind they were facing another hour long bus ride to get home afterward. So this was a substantial time commitment for them.
Anyway, they finally came down, met me at my work, which probably saved about 45 minutes of bus time on top of the hour they had already been on for, and I took them to my house and fed them a decent dinner. Dinner was kind of part of the hook to getting them down. Then she found out that the whole meeting was 2 1/2 hours! "What? 2 1/2 hours? That's crazy, you didn't tell me that!" She was a bit surprised at that information. But we calmed her down with Starbucks before the meeting, so she had a good attitude for it (I'm kind of kidding here, she had a good attitude throughout, but the time took her by surprise).
I gave them a run down of how these meeting work and she was happy because she had been thinking she wanted more God in her life. I told her nearly everything in my life has God in it, so she was going to get some either way if the came around my house (cue the laugh track). Turns out that was exactly what she needed. He did too. They both found themselves sharing and asking questions. Opening up and talking about the kind of things you just don't normally do with people you just met. Later on he told me that it just felt safe and compelling to talk. I give that to God. He provided an environment where 2 people who were normally very guarded and not open with new people could safely open up.
In spite of all the difficulties to come down here, guess where they're planning on being this Friday?
It's all God's Amazing Work and it brings tears to my eyes to see Him at work in my friends. If you've tried to help friends that blow you off time and time again, if you know it's God's work, keep trying. Just smile when they make that next excuse and then try again. I never put them down, I never asked what their problem was, I never took it personally, I just kept inviting them.
I've been attending a Celebrate Recovery class for several months now, since the end of May 2010. If you don't know, it's a 12 step program like AA but fully Christian oriented. We have a little social time for the first half hour, a few show up for that. I like to be one of them, but if things are running late it's the easy thing to cut out of the evening. The next hour is dedicated to Bible Study and a lesson plan that's geared towards recovery. After a short break for bathrooms and cigs for the smokers (I gave that one up almost 3 years ago now, drinking was tougher I think) we split up into groups for men and women. This allows for a separate kind of sharing because it allows for the unique differences between how men and women think and share.
I have a pair of friends, they're a couple that have 2 children together and a history of drugs and alcohol. They've both been clean and sober for 8 months now (YEAH!). I've known him for almost 20 years now, and her for just a couple. They reside some distance away in downtown Seattle and attend AA meetings and counseling up there. They recently had to sell their car just to have a Christmas at all.
I've been trying to get them down into my area for months now to come to my C.R. class. He's been blowing me off for a long time now and finally I guess I just wore him down. God decided enough pussy footin around and put it in his heart to make the hour long bus ride with her, after he talked her into it too. Bear in mind they were facing another hour long bus ride to get home afterward. So this was a substantial time commitment for them.
Anyway, they finally came down, met me at my work, which probably saved about 45 minutes of bus time on top of the hour they had already been on for, and I took them to my house and fed them a decent dinner. Dinner was kind of part of the hook to getting them down. Then she found out that the whole meeting was 2 1/2 hours! "What? 2 1/2 hours? That's crazy, you didn't tell me that!" She was a bit surprised at that information. But we calmed her down with Starbucks before the meeting, so she had a good attitude for it (I'm kind of kidding here, she had a good attitude throughout, but the time took her by surprise).
I gave them a run down of how these meeting work and she was happy because she had been thinking she wanted more God in her life. I told her nearly everything in my life has God in it, so she was going to get some either way if the came around my house (cue the laugh track). Turns out that was exactly what she needed. He did too. They both found themselves sharing and asking questions. Opening up and talking about the kind of things you just don't normally do with people you just met. Later on he told me that it just felt safe and compelling to talk. I give that to God. He provided an environment where 2 people who were normally very guarded and not open with new people could safely open up.
In spite of all the difficulties to come down here, guess where they're planning on being this Friday?
It's all God's Amazing Work and it brings tears to my eyes to see Him at work in my friends. If you've tried to help friends that blow you off time and time again, if you know it's God's work, keep trying. Just smile when they make that next excuse and then try again. I never put them down, I never asked what their problem was, I never took it personally, I just kept inviting them.
Saturday, December 11, 2010
I'm a Hypocrite
I've had an epiphany: The typical Christian that regularly reads the Bible and studies the Word and it's meaning has a very different point of view from the person, while I'm quite sure is very well meaning and caring of others, who simply doesn't follow the Word of God. This isn't a liberal vs conservative point of view, because I know wonderful Christians who fall on both sides of the fence on that. I discussed the concept of Politics and Jesus in an earlier post, if you want to know my view on that it's right there for you.
No, what I'm talking about is the hypocrisy found in the church. Does anyone believe that there aren't hypocrites in the church? If you think there aren't, and don't want to know, stop reading now.
So, assuming a person has become a Christian, has opened their heart to His love and seeks his guidance, one would expect a radical change in that person, right? Well, we have a saying, "Jesus takes you right where you are." All your bad habits, all your hang-ups, all your damage. When He enters your heart, it's all there. As an example, pornography. It's a touch subject for some people. I know one person who is completely secular, has nearly stopped speaking to me at all because I'm Christian and I think it makes her squirm just a little. But she has stated straight up that she does not believe in pornography. Obviously this is not for religious reasons but a moral standard she has developed on her own. On the other hand, I know at least a few Christians who have confessed a personal issue with it. In some cases they know its wrong, in others they are justifying it still. I myself have had my challenges with graven images (or is that craven images?). I do pretty good with it most of the time, but it's a weakness in me that I haven't fully given up to God.
Those that know me as a Christian who also may receive the occasional questionably racy email from me may consider me a hypocrite. I've been working on it. Still something I need to give up to God, but I'm a work in progress. Other things that Christians may have an issue with is drinking (uh, yup, that's me), gossip, pride, snubbing others, riotousness (I've had that one), drugs be they prescription or street (had that one before too), theft, adultery, tax cheats, abusers. What I'm saying here is that the average Christian has all the same problems coming at and from them that anybody else does.
So what does the outside world think when they see this? They think we should be all good all the time, loving everyone and everything. Professing that Jesus is our savior and that He heals all wounds and then walking around acting like everyone else just doesn't jive. Shouldn't we be better than that? Well, yes we should, and the person that has walked in the Word for many years may even be better than that. I can attest that I am a much better person now than I was 6 months ago. But the bar wasn't set very high to begin with. I still have a long way to go before I even reach the point that I could take a leadership role in my church, at least in my estimation. My house is far from in order. In spite of my many changes I still have many flaws that rear their ugly heads, and the people that know me who are not Christian are watching for those flaws. Not actively, and not maliciously. But when the pop up, they say things like, "I thought Cameron was supposed to be some uberChristian or something, why is he doing _____?" It's been said, and will be said again, I'm sure.
I enjoy a good debate. A civilized debate over a topic with a logical, intelligent person of differing views is mentally stimulating, challenging, and I find it highly enjoyable. I rarely back down from my point of view and have little issue continuing them for days if necessary. Inevitably, my religion will come out, whether by me or the other person who knows I'm a Christian and tries to use my faith against me. I welcome this because I am not ashamed of Jesus and I know He is right. So if I am using His words I know I'm doing just fine. Often, after some back and forth of this kind, they will pull the Christian Hypocrite card out. I'm not sure if they're trying to throw me off balance or not but they usually say something like, "Cameron, I have found Christians to be some of the most intolerant, uncompassionate people I know, all while attending church on Sundays and misconstruing the true message of the Bible to suit their beliefs." Pulled that one straight off a face book post from yesterday during a debate over social services.
Unfortunately, that's the experience many people have in dealing with us damaged, messed up Christians. Yes, there are hypocrites in the church, real hypocrites who go around spouting scripture while not believing a bit of it. But most of us are works in progress. Christ is with us, helping us when we need it and ask for it, but He doesn't force the changes on us, we have to seek them. We were given free will to choose Him or not, and when we do, and we listen, study, learn, and ask Him to, he makes incredible, wonderful changes in us. But we are still children, we have to try to do things on our own, not ask for help. We make mistakes and let our pride get in the way, or we gossip or partake in pornography because we think "I can handle it" or "it's no big deal". That's what they see. Not the 28 days that you were walking with Christ, but the 2 days you weren't. Not the 300 members of the church that volunteer and pay out of their own pockets to go to 3rd world countries to dig a well or build a house, but the one person in the congregation that fell and abused his wife, or the one with adultery issues, or the drunk. They point at those and say, "See! What a bunch of hypocrites!" What they don't realize is that abuser, that adulter, that drunk, they are all loved by Christ just as strongly as all the others and if those people will just hand those issues over to Christ, He will heal them and make them new.
So, if your wondering if you want to be a Christian but don't want to be one of those hypocrites, sorry, odds are you will probably be called one at some point or another. But if you want to hand over your issues to someone that will take them, reshape them into something beautiful, teach you to accept your past because you have such a fantastic future, walk with Jesus. He is by my side, waiting for me to hand over that next thing to get rid of. He is reshaping me into a tool for His use (yes, I said I'm a tool). I still have some sharp edges and rough spots, but we're working on that together. I'm so excited about my future now because I KNOW it's part of an outstanding plan. I've made mistakes, I will make more. If I'm out there doing His work there's a good chance I will be called worse things than hypocrite. I can't wait!
No, what I'm talking about is the hypocrisy found in the church. Does anyone believe that there aren't hypocrites in the church? If you think there aren't, and don't want to know, stop reading now.
So, assuming a person has become a Christian, has opened their heart to His love and seeks his guidance, one would expect a radical change in that person, right? Well, we have a saying, "Jesus takes you right where you are." All your bad habits, all your hang-ups, all your damage. When He enters your heart, it's all there. As an example, pornography. It's a touch subject for some people. I know one person who is completely secular, has nearly stopped speaking to me at all because I'm Christian and I think it makes her squirm just a little. But she has stated straight up that she does not believe in pornography. Obviously this is not for religious reasons but a moral standard she has developed on her own. On the other hand, I know at least a few Christians who have confessed a personal issue with it. In some cases they know its wrong, in others they are justifying it still. I myself have had my challenges with graven images (or is that craven images?). I do pretty good with it most of the time, but it's a weakness in me that I haven't fully given up to God.
Those that know me as a Christian who also may receive the occasional questionably racy email from me may consider me a hypocrite. I've been working on it. Still something I need to give up to God, but I'm a work in progress. Other things that Christians may have an issue with is drinking (uh, yup, that's me), gossip, pride, snubbing others, riotousness (I've had that one), drugs be they prescription or street (had that one before too), theft, adultery, tax cheats, abusers. What I'm saying here is that the average Christian has all the same problems coming at and from them that anybody else does.
So what does the outside world think when they see this? They think we should be all good all the time, loving everyone and everything. Professing that Jesus is our savior and that He heals all wounds and then walking around acting like everyone else just doesn't jive. Shouldn't we be better than that? Well, yes we should, and the person that has walked in the Word for many years may even be better than that. I can attest that I am a much better person now than I was 6 months ago. But the bar wasn't set very high to begin with. I still have a long way to go before I even reach the point that I could take a leadership role in my church, at least in my estimation. My house is far from in order. In spite of my many changes I still have many flaws that rear their ugly heads, and the people that know me who are not Christian are watching for those flaws. Not actively, and not maliciously. But when the pop up, they say things like, "I thought Cameron was supposed to be some uberChristian or something, why is he doing _____?" It's been said, and will be said again, I'm sure.
I enjoy a good debate. A civilized debate over a topic with a logical, intelligent person of differing views is mentally stimulating, challenging, and I find it highly enjoyable. I rarely back down from my point of view and have little issue continuing them for days if necessary. Inevitably, my religion will come out, whether by me or the other person who knows I'm a Christian and tries to use my faith against me. I welcome this because I am not ashamed of Jesus and I know He is right. So if I am using His words I know I'm doing just fine. Often, after some back and forth of this kind, they will pull the Christian Hypocrite card out. I'm not sure if they're trying to throw me off balance or not but they usually say something like, "Cameron, I have found Christians to be some of the most intolerant, uncompassionate people I know, all while attending church on Sundays and misconstruing the true message of the Bible to suit their beliefs." Pulled that one straight off a face book post from yesterday during a debate over social services.
Unfortunately, that's the experience many people have in dealing with us damaged, messed up Christians. Yes, there are hypocrites in the church, real hypocrites who go around spouting scripture while not believing a bit of it. But most of us are works in progress. Christ is with us, helping us when we need it and ask for it, but He doesn't force the changes on us, we have to seek them. We were given free will to choose Him or not, and when we do, and we listen, study, learn, and ask Him to, he makes incredible, wonderful changes in us. But we are still children, we have to try to do things on our own, not ask for help. We make mistakes and let our pride get in the way, or we gossip or partake in pornography because we think "I can handle it" or "it's no big deal". That's what they see. Not the 28 days that you were walking with Christ, but the 2 days you weren't. Not the 300 members of the church that volunteer and pay out of their own pockets to go to 3rd world countries to dig a well or build a house, but the one person in the congregation that fell and abused his wife, or the one with adultery issues, or the drunk. They point at those and say, "See! What a bunch of hypocrites!" What they don't realize is that abuser, that adulter, that drunk, they are all loved by Christ just as strongly as all the others and if those people will just hand those issues over to Christ, He will heal them and make them new.
So, if your wondering if you want to be a Christian but don't want to be one of those hypocrites, sorry, odds are you will probably be called one at some point or another. But if you want to hand over your issues to someone that will take them, reshape them into something beautiful, teach you to accept your past because you have such a fantastic future, walk with Jesus. He is by my side, waiting for me to hand over that next thing to get rid of. He is reshaping me into a tool for His use (yes, I said I'm a tool). I still have some sharp edges and rough spots, but we're working on that together. I'm so excited about my future now because I KNOW it's part of an outstanding plan. I've made mistakes, I will make more. If I'm out there doing His work there's a good chance I will be called worse things than hypocrite. I can't wait!
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
Christmas Party's and Sobriety
Just a quick note to my friends out there about Christmas party's. Note I don't call them "Holiday Party's". Personally, I'm celebrating the birth of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. To the people who love to argue this point, I am well aware that December 25 is highly unlikely to be the true birth date of Jesus. It's unlikely the Romans would have held a census around the winter solstice. Travel was far too difficult and dangerous during this time of year to expect people to show up. They were conquerors, but also bureaucrats. You have to be pragmatic about these things if you want to get them done.
No, it is far more likely that we simply co-opted the season for a variety of reasons. People needed a reason to have some fun during an otherwise very difficult time of year, a certain amount of the stores needed to get used or thrown away, and pagans were fairly accustomed to celebrating things now anyway. This would be a good thing to have them tune into the Way and the Life. Also note that celebration of Christmas is really not all that old of a tradition, at least in how it's celebrated today. Christ's Mass has been celebrated in some way or another since the 3rd century A.D.
So, without further ado, how does one celebrate Christmas without alcohol? I mean, go to virtually any Christmas party, be it company, family, or even church and you will often find drinks being served. Well, maybe not at the church one, but that would depend on the particular practices of the denomination. This year, as in most, I have 3 main parties I attend, one for company, one for church small group, and one for extended family. I've already been to the company, and the church small group one. Alcohol was conspicuously absent at the small group, which I didn't even notice until after. Last year, before I quit drinking, I remember there being beer and wine there. I thank them for their consideration for me. The company party, however, little changed. I could hardly expect them to change anything just for me. There's quite a few non-believers who have little problem tying one on with an open bar.
I actually felt no pressure or desire for a drink, perhaps because of the table I was at was with other Christians with their children, or perhaps I was just able to keep it out of my mind. But perhaps it was because the Holy Spirit was with me and protected me.
Psalm 121:7
The LORD will protect you from all evil;He will keep your soul.
2 Thessalonians 3:3
But the Lord is faithful, and He will strengthen and protect you from the evil one.
I trusted in Him, I walked in confident, without thoughts of resisting that which I chose not to partake in.
There are other challenges ahead, I'm sure. There are people I have spent previous holidays with that simply don't come around anymore. Christmas with extra nog in the egg nog. New Year's with Champagne.
I do believe I am more in the spirit of Christmas this year than I've been in many years. But I'll leave that for another night.
Be sure to share this on your pages and walls. Buttons below for easy sharing. Thank you and God Bless
No, it is far more likely that we simply co-opted the season for a variety of reasons. People needed a reason to have some fun during an otherwise very difficult time of year, a certain amount of the stores needed to get used or thrown away, and pagans were fairly accustomed to celebrating things now anyway. This would be a good thing to have them tune into the Way and the Life. Also note that celebration of Christmas is really not all that old of a tradition, at least in how it's celebrated today. Christ's Mass has been celebrated in some way or another since the 3rd century A.D.
So, without further ado, how does one celebrate Christmas without alcohol? I mean, go to virtually any Christmas party, be it company, family, or even church and you will often find drinks being served. Well, maybe not at the church one, but that would depend on the particular practices of the denomination. This year, as in most, I have 3 main parties I attend, one for company, one for church small group, and one for extended family. I've already been to the company, and the church small group one. Alcohol was conspicuously absent at the small group, which I didn't even notice until after. Last year, before I quit drinking, I remember there being beer and wine there. I thank them for their consideration for me. The company party, however, little changed. I could hardly expect them to change anything just for me. There's quite a few non-believers who have little problem tying one on with an open bar.
I actually felt no pressure or desire for a drink, perhaps because of the table I was at was with other Christians with their children, or perhaps I was just able to keep it out of my mind. But perhaps it was because the Holy Spirit was with me and protected me.
Psalm 121:7
The LORD will protect you from all evil;He will keep your soul.
2 Thessalonians 3:3
But the Lord is faithful, and He will strengthen and protect you from the evil one.
I trusted in Him, I walked in confident, without thoughts of resisting that which I chose not to partake in.
There are other challenges ahead, I'm sure. There are people I have spent previous holidays with that simply don't come around anymore. Christmas with extra nog in the egg nog. New Year's with Champagne.
I do believe I am more in the spirit of Christmas this year than I've been in many years. But I'll leave that for another night.
Be sure to share this on your pages and walls. Buttons below for easy sharing. Thank you and God Bless
Friday, December 3, 2010
Tomorrow's Flowers from Today's Seeds
Words said by one of the leaders at my Celebrate Recovery meeting tonight, "Tomorrow's flowers come from the seeds we plant today." I thanked him kindly for the subject of tonight's writing.
We are all planting seeds, all the time. The only question is what kind of fruit will grow from our seeds? What does the Bible have to say about it? Jesus gave a parable on it. For a basic definition of a parable, it's a story designed to enlighten or show a lesson. Jesus used them frequently to be able to give a lesson to those who may not otherwise listen. Matthew 13:10-17 gives His explanation for using parables
11Jesus answered them, "(G)To you it has been granted to know the mysteries of the kingdom of heaven, but to them it has not been granted.
12"(H)For whoever has, to him more shall be given, and he will have an abundance; but whoever does not have, even what he has shall be taken away from him.
13"Therefore I speak to them in parables; because while (I)seeing they do not see, and while hearing they do not hear, nor do they understand.
14"In their case the prophecy of Isaiah is being fulfilled, which says,
'(J)YOU WILL KEEP ON HEARING, BUT WILL NOT UNDERSTAND;
YOU WILL KEEP ON SEEING, BUT WILL NOT PERCEIVE;
15(K)FOR THE HEART OF THIS PEOPLE HAS BECOME DULL,
WITH THEIR EARS THEY SCARCELY HEAR,
AND THEY HAVE CLOSED THEIR EYES,
OTHERWISE THEY WOULD SEE WITH THEIR EYES,
HEAR WITH THEIR EARS,
AND UNDERSTAND WITH THEIR HEART AND RETURN,
AND I WOULD HEAL THEM.'
16"(L)But blessed are your eyes, because they see; and your ears, because they hear.
17"For truly I say to you that (M)many prophets and righteous men desired to see what you see, and did not see it, and to hear what you hear, and did not hear it.
He goes on after this and gives the parable of the sower.
Matthew 13:18-23
19"When anyone hears (O)the word of the kingdom and does not understand it, (P)the evil one comes and snatches away what has been sown in his heart. This is the one on whom seed was sown beside the road.
20"The one on whom seed was sown on the rocky places, this is the man who hears the word and immediately receives it with joy;
21yet he has no firm root in himself, but is only temporary, and when affliction or persecution arises because of the word, immediately he (Q)falls away.
22"And the one on whom seed was sown among the thorns, this is the man who hears the word, and the worry of (R)the world and the (S)deceitfulness of wealth choke the word, and it becomes unfruitful.
23"And the one on whom seed was sown on the good soil, this is the man who hears the word and understands it; who indeed bears fruit and brings forth, some (T)a hundredfold, some sixty, and some thirty."
We scatter seeds to the world with our words and our actions. Make no mistake, the world is paying attention to us. Some are waiting to see us stumble and say, "Look at the foolish Christian, he can't even follow his own rules!" But others are watching to see if they want to join us. When we scatter seeds, some land in fertile soil and take root. These will grow into good strong Christians that will be as in verse 23 above. But we don't know who that is, so we scatter our seeds of good will and the love of Jesus, hoping and praying that they will grow.
I have one seed that has recently taken it upon itself to begin to grow. I pray that it will find good purchase and sunlight to grow into a healthy Christian. Questions are being asked, help is being given, these are the water and fertilizer needed.
Other seeds I have scattered have fallen on far more rocky ground and is not growing at all or the seeds have withered and dried up. I grieve for these and I pray that when I come back to these I will have the right words to help them see the truth. Still others, while they may not produce sudden converts to the faith, have proven to bear some fruit of potential friendship in areas that were less than hospitable before. Where I can find friendship, with God's help, we can create faith. Especially in areas that had once held faith before. Maybe someone that you find out was active in their church growing up, or in college. Sometimes you find someone who outright asks you about this crazy Christian thing.
So we continue to sow the seeds of Jesus. We scatter them as we go about our lives, nurture the ones that respond, build our own faith through the word to protect ourselves from the detractors, and pray for the ones that don't respond or fall away. After all, when the seed fell on me, at first I wasn't the best soil for it, but over time He changed me into something He could work with. God tends to work with the most unlikely of tools. Or in my case, a tool shed. But talking about the people He uses is for another day.
We are all planting seeds, all the time. The only question is what kind of fruit will grow from our seeds? What does the Bible have to say about it? Jesus gave a parable on it. For a basic definition of a parable, it's a story designed to enlighten or show a lesson. Jesus used them frequently to be able to give a lesson to those who may not otherwise listen. Matthew 13:10-17 gives His explanation for using parables
An Explanation
10And the disciples came and said to Him, "Why do You speak to them in parables?"11Jesus answered them, "(G)To you it has been granted to know the mysteries of the kingdom of heaven, but to them it has not been granted.
12"(H)For whoever has, to him more shall be given, and he will have an abundance; but whoever does not have, even what he has shall be taken away from him.
13"Therefore I speak to them in parables; because while (I)seeing they do not see, and while hearing they do not hear, nor do they understand.
14"In their case the prophecy of Isaiah is being fulfilled, which says,
'(J)YOU WILL KEEP ON HEARING, BUT WILL NOT UNDERSTAND;
YOU WILL KEEP ON SEEING, BUT WILL NOT PERCEIVE;
15(K)FOR THE HEART OF THIS PEOPLE HAS BECOME DULL,
WITH THEIR EARS THEY SCARCELY HEAR,
AND THEY HAVE CLOSED THEIR EYES,
OTHERWISE THEY WOULD SEE WITH THEIR EYES,
HEAR WITH THEIR EARS,
AND UNDERSTAND WITH THEIR HEART AND RETURN,
AND I WOULD HEAL THEM.'
16"(L)But blessed are your eyes, because they see; and your ears, because they hear.
17"For truly I say to you that (M)many prophets and righteous men desired to see what you see, and did not see it, and to hear what you hear, and did not hear it.
He goes on after this and gives the parable of the sower.
Matthew 13:18-23
The Sower Explained
18"(N)Hear then the parable of the sower.19"When anyone hears (O)the word of the kingdom and does not understand it, (P)the evil one comes and snatches away what has been sown in his heart. This is the one on whom seed was sown beside the road.
20"The one on whom seed was sown on the rocky places, this is the man who hears the word and immediately receives it with joy;
21yet he has no firm root in himself, but is only temporary, and when affliction or persecution arises because of the word, immediately he (Q)falls away.
22"And the one on whom seed was sown among the thorns, this is the man who hears the word, and the worry of (R)the world and the (S)deceitfulness of wealth choke the word, and it becomes unfruitful.
23"And the one on whom seed was sown on the good soil, this is the man who hears the word and understands it; who indeed bears fruit and brings forth, some (T)a hundredfold, some sixty, and some thirty."
We scatter seeds to the world with our words and our actions. Make no mistake, the world is paying attention to us. Some are waiting to see us stumble and say, "Look at the foolish Christian, he can't even follow his own rules!" But others are watching to see if they want to join us. When we scatter seeds, some land in fertile soil and take root. These will grow into good strong Christians that will be as in verse 23 above. But we don't know who that is, so we scatter our seeds of good will and the love of Jesus, hoping and praying that they will grow.
I have one seed that has recently taken it upon itself to begin to grow. I pray that it will find good purchase and sunlight to grow into a healthy Christian. Questions are being asked, help is being given, these are the water and fertilizer needed.
Other seeds I have scattered have fallen on far more rocky ground and is not growing at all or the seeds have withered and dried up. I grieve for these and I pray that when I come back to these I will have the right words to help them see the truth. Still others, while they may not produce sudden converts to the faith, have proven to bear some fruit of potential friendship in areas that were less than hospitable before. Where I can find friendship, with God's help, we can create faith. Especially in areas that had once held faith before. Maybe someone that you find out was active in their church growing up, or in college. Sometimes you find someone who outright asks you about this crazy Christian thing.
So we continue to sow the seeds of Jesus. We scatter them as we go about our lives, nurture the ones that respond, build our own faith through the word to protect ourselves from the detractors, and pray for the ones that don't respond or fall away. After all, when the seed fell on me, at first I wasn't the best soil for it, but over time He changed me into something He could work with. God tends to work with the most unlikely of tools. Or in my case, a tool shed. But talking about the people He uses is for another day.
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
Who am I?
Probably a more accurate question is, "Who am I becoming?"
It's widely known in the psychology of addiction that once a person becomes an addict, they stop growing emotionally. The good news is that once the addiction is broken there is a quick upcurve of growth to bring the person to a more normal state for their age. The bad news is that it leaves the addict floundering about wondering this and that. Jumping from one emotion to another like a surly teenager. The worst of this lasts for the first month and then begins to ebb over time.
In my mind, this is why so many programs are 30, 60, and 90 days. It give you the support you need for that first period when you're an emotional basket case. When you're broken, crying, angry. This is a time that it's the easiest to go right back to our addictions. This is also an excellent time to pick up a bible. It gives you the stability and shows you the love that you haven't felt properly for however long you've been using.
When I first dried up I was at a Men's Christian Retreat. I spent the first dry days in many years praising Jesus and accepting the Holy Spirit into my heart. I believe this is what gave me the strength to continue on my path to sobriety. Had I been in a different situation when I dried up, jail for example, it is very doubtful I would have actually continued down the path. More likely I would have walked out of there and headed for the nearest bar to "destress".
So, when did I become an addict? This is a difficult question for me to answer. I know some who can point to a specific point and say "There, that's when I went from a social user of _____ and became and addict." Personally, I think it was much more insipid. More like being stalked by a serpent than pounced on by a lion. Slowly but surely, over a period of years, Satan worked on me. He knew that he could get me because he started when I was young. I figure I was around 14 when he started on me. Smoking cigarettes, a little pot, a beer here and there. Always just a little bit so I would think it was "no big deal".
I can't say I had a really strong Christian upbringing. We attended church semi regular. I went to the youth group on Wednesdays. I enjoyed the time but I was more along for the ride than to learn about Jesus and build my faith. This made me a fairly easy target. There wasn't much in my heart and I certainly didn't know myself so it was easy for Satan to move right on in. Later, I had other influences that continued to push me down the wrong path. My time in Kansas City when I was living with a biker named Jeff. Not someone you would call a bad guy, but he did like cocaine and whiskey. I was 18 and more than ready to join him just to be accepted.
This is the kind of path I was lead down, and I walked it happily and blithely unaware of the results.
It would be relatively reasonable to say I was something of an addict at this time, but I don't think it really set in until my early to mid 20's when I found speed, mixed with alcohol, mixed with whatever else. So, then in May, when I turned 40 years old, I was mentally and emotionally around 23. Still pretty dumb, lazy, and self-centered. So who am I becoming? Well, I'm still a procrastinator, I still don't see the dusting that needs to be done in the house. But I've learned to take care of my bills much better, I've learned that, even when I was an active high functioning alcoholic I could step up and take care of things with a lot of help. So I can both take care of things with less help now, and I'm more mature to know when to ask for help and how to accept it when offerred without getting defensive or prideful. I've found my political identity and what I stand for as an American.
Most importantly, I've found my identity in Christ. I now know that He will be with me until the end of time itself and beyond. I have given myself to Him and He has rewarded me and will continue to reward my devotion and faith. For what seems the first time in many years, I'm excited about the future. Not just some abstract concept of the future, but a future of hope, love and grace from now unto eternity!
It hasn't always been easy, and there is nothing in the bible that says it will be. In fact, there are times that we are told that we will be persecuted because of Jesus and what He stands for.
Matthew 5:10
"Blessed are those who have been persecuted for the sake of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
John 15:20
"Remember the word that I said to you, ' A slave is not greater than his master ' If they persecuted Me, they will also persecute you; if they kept My word, they will keep yours also.
So ask Jesus, in His name, with faith the size a mustard seed, to set you free of your addictions. Trust that He will do it in the way that is best for you. It is written:
John 14:14
"If you ask Me anything in My name, I will do it.
Remember the power of His name. Call on it when it is difficult, praise it when it is hard, love it because He is.
God's Blessings
It's widely known in the psychology of addiction that once a person becomes an addict, they stop growing emotionally. The good news is that once the addiction is broken there is a quick upcurve of growth to bring the person to a more normal state for their age. The bad news is that it leaves the addict floundering about wondering this and that. Jumping from one emotion to another like a surly teenager. The worst of this lasts for the first month and then begins to ebb over time.
In my mind, this is why so many programs are 30, 60, and 90 days. It give you the support you need for that first period when you're an emotional basket case. When you're broken, crying, angry. This is a time that it's the easiest to go right back to our addictions. This is also an excellent time to pick up a bible. It gives you the stability and shows you the love that you haven't felt properly for however long you've been using.
When I first dried up I was at a Men's Christian Retreat. I spent the first dry days in many years praising Jesus and accepting the Holy Spirit into my heart. I believe this is what gave me the strength to continue on my path to sobriety. Had I been in a different situation when I dried up, jail for example, it is very doubtful I would have actually continued down the path. More likely I would have walked out of there and headed for the nearest bar to "destress".
So, when did I become an addict? This is a difficult question for me to answer. I know some who can point to a specific point and say "There, that's when I went from a social user of _____ and became and addict." Personally, I think it was much more insipid. More like being stalked by a serpent than pounced on by a lion. Slowly but surely, over a period of years, Satan worked on me. He knew that he could get me because he started when I was young. I figure I was around 14 when he started on me. Smoking cigarettes, a little pot, a beer here and there. Always just a little bit so I would think it was "no big deal".
I can't say I had a really strong Christian upbringing. We attended church semi regular. I went to the youth group on Wednesdays. I enjoyed the time but I was more along for the ride than to learn about Jesus and build my faith. This made me a fairly easy target. There wasn't much in my heart and I certainly didn't know myself so it was easy for Satan to move right on in. Later, I had other influences that continued to push me down the wrong path. My time in Kansas City when I was living with a biker named Jeff. Not someone you would call a bad guy, but he did like cocaine and whiskey. I was 18 and more than ready to join him just to be accepted.
This is the kind of path I was lead down, and I walked it happily and blithely unaware of the results.
It would be relatively reasonable to say I was something of an addict at this time, but I don't think it really set in until my early to mid 20's when I found speed, mixed with alcohol, mixed with whatever else. So, then in May, when I turned 40 years old, I was mentally and emotionally around 23. Still pretty dumb, lazy, and self-centered. So who am I becoming? Well, I'm still a procrastinator, I still don't see the dusting that needs to be done in the house. But I've learned to take care of my bills much better, I've learned that, even when I was an active high functioning alcoholic I could step up and take care of things with a lot of help. So I can both take care of things with less help now, and I'm more mature to know when to ask for help and how to accept it when offerred without getting defensive or prideful. I've found my political identity and what I stand for as an American.
Most importantly, I've found my identity in Christ. I now know that He will be with me until the end of time itself and beyond. I have given myself to Him and He has rewarded me and will continue to reward my devotion and faith. For what seems the first time in many years, I'm excited about the future. Not just some abstract concept of the future, but a future of hope, love and grace from now unto eternity!
It hasn't always been easy, and there is nothing in the bible that says it will be. In fact, there are times that we are told that we will be persecuted because of Jesus and what He stands for.
Matthew 5:10
"Blessed are those who have been persecuted for the sake of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
John 15:20
"Remember the word that I said to you, ' A slave is not greater than his master ' If they persecuted Me, they will also persecute you; if they kept My word, they will keep yours also.
So ask Jesus, in His name, with faith the size a mustard seed, to set you free of your addictions. Trust that He will do it in the way that is best for you. It is written:
John 14:14
"If you ask Me anything in My name, I will do it.
Remember the power of His name. Call on it when it is difficult, praise it when it is hard, love it because He is.
God's Blessings
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)