God's Judgement according to Jesus

What is judgement? What do you think of? Man's judgement is common. We think of courtrooms and black robes (at least in the U.S. which is were I know it from). We think of arguments, Perry Mason, Matlock, and untold number of other characters on TV. Police, detectives, etc, etc... We judge each other on a daily, perhaps hourly basis. We keep up with the Jonse's, we cut down those who have more than us. We talk about those with less.

Is is so very strange that we have a difficult time accepting the forgiveness of the Lord? We have such a strong tendency to think of Jesus as simple as we are. But He is so much more than we can ever be. He is part of the Holy Trinity, the Uncreated One. To think of His judgement as anything like ours is not only foolish, it's demeaning to Him.

But we have only our own way of doing things to compare His way to. If we have such a difficult time forgiving the minor transgressions of our neighbors, how can He possibly forgive us the terrible things we have done? If you're in recovery, you are probably facing some pretty horrible things that you've done. Maybe you lied to people you loved, or stole from them. Maybe you've been abusive in any one of a number of ways. These are things that our society not only frowns on, some will see you ostracized or imprisoned. Some things are considered so bad that we say you should be tracked and mark yourself out as someone to be avoided. I pray that you haven't done anything THAT bad. But the truth is, some people do those kinds of things.

Some of the things we've done have been directly against all the Christian faith holds dear. We've blasphemed against Him, hated Him, told Him to look away while we do things. I still feel shame over things I did while in the depth of my addictions. When we hold our sins up against the Jesus we think we know, the one that we like say thinks like us, we're in big trouble. How could He possibly forgive ME? After all I've done and said? After the way I abused myself? Stole to support my habit at times? Being verbally abusive towards the very people who love me most? Lied about myself, to myself.

I could go on this vein, easily, but I'd wager that somewhere along the way I struck a chord with some of you out there. So, what does the bible say about His forgiveness? How deep is His love for us?

Romans 8:39
neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
John 3:16
For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.
John 3:16 speaks volumes to us. He GAVE his one and only Son, that whoever BELIEVES in him shall not perish but have ETERNAL LIFE.

Romans 8:39 states very clearly that NOTHING will be able to separate us from the love of God.

So, what is God's judgement for us? When our bodies finally give way, and we are standing in the courtroom of the Lord, what will he say about those terrible things we did? Those things that haunt us, make us start awake with their mere memory in the dark of night. Those things we keep close to our hearts lest anyone find out about them. Well, there it is, isn't it. If we are holding these things so closely, we haven't given them up to Him. But, if we give it up to Him, repent, ask for his forgiveness, He will give it and cast our sins as far as the east is from the west. We will be purified and clean in the eyes of God.

He wants it all to be forgiven, the big, the little, it's all the same to Him. There is nothing so bad that He won't forgive you for it. So when you stand in the court of the Father, and you are laid bare before Him, there will be nothing to keep you from entering the gates of heaven. When Jesus comes to judge the quick (living) and the dead as stated in Revelations, He will look at you with love and judge you clean because you accepted, loved, and followed Him.

This, to me is the ultimate purpose of step 4. When you do a personal inventory, if you are honest about it, you expose your faults, flaws, and sins. If you do a thorough job of it, you expose your assets, too. Once exposed to the light of day, you can then hand them to Jesus. Then He will cast them away and it will be as though they never happened.

Step 4, a Personal Inventory and The Screwtape Letters

Wait, what? Decide what you're talking about here Cameron. I actually think they can work together. Anyone who has worked the 12 steps for whatever reason, be it alcohol, drugs, depression, co-dependence, sex, has gotten to where I am and been given to pause. That's where I am tonight. Needing to begin my checklist of flaws and assets. This will lead me to the necessity of finding a proper sponser.

But what about The Screwtape Letters? If you've never read them, they are a series of letters from a senior demon giving advice to a lesser one on how to handle his "patient" or human. Throughout the book, we hear about how, in this day and age (these were written during WW II I believe, but the format still works well today), their current instructions are to remain hidden and the best place in our minds is for us to not even believe they exist at all. Instead trying to guide us through our own physical desires and failings away from what they call "the Enemy". They use our weaknesses against us, making small things that may bug us seem large that increase our anger at each other. Blind us to our own bad habits that may annoy others in our lives. Make us feel that we are right and they are wrong.

Have you ever felt that way? That feeling that in spite of the logic of their argument, you KNOW you're right, they MUST be wrong and you'll stop at nothing to prove it! I've been guilty of that, more than a few times. Another thing they do is make us question our faith. Careful here, there is such a thing as good doubt. That's the kind of doubt that is open to receiving the answer, not the hard headed doubt of the devout agnostic that is questioning just to catch you and drag you down to their level.

I'm just now approaching Step 4, and I can feel the devils in me trying to get me not to. They don't want me to perform this self-examination. They don't want me to reveal myself to myself. The more ignorant of myself I remain the better and more likely I am to be influenced by their whisperings. They are very likely to have me list flaw after flaw with hardly an asset in the mix. This is so easy to do and to fall prey to. "We are our own worst critic."

While I'm doing this, I'm going to refer continuously to the Word. Let His Love for me be shown in my inventory. Remember that He thinks I am special and unique in all of creation. I will approach this as an oppurtunity to know myself better and thus know Him better. I'm expecting this to take a while, I don't think I should rush it too much because it gets hard or embarassing.

If you think this is any good, use the toolbar below to post it to your social sites. If there is someone you know that is struggling with something and may see encouragement from my ramblings, by all means, post this.

Where'd my old friends go?

Over the years, I've had a number of bad habits, hurts, and hang-ups. I started smoking when I was 14. Drinking because it was cool, marijuana because other friends were doing it. Cocaine because it was the next in line. Back to drinking because I was in the military. Back to marijuana after the military, which gave me an introduction into meth. Stopped that because the price of jail time was looming in front of me...The list continues, bear in mind that last one was 13 years ago. There's more, lots of alcohol, playing with pills, anger, some mild depression. I've done a lot to myself over the years.

Through most of this there has usually been a friend or 2 either dragging me with them, or me dragging them along. Let me be clear about one thing, I let them drag me, and they let me drag them. I can honestly say that there are a few who have, if not necessarily stuck with me, at least returned to me as our paths crossed again. Some through different social sites, are old high school friends. Others, because I've just been in the same geographical area for almost 20 years and they didn't leave either so when we needed support of a particular kind, there we were.

The ones that are still around have walked through there own fires and come out on the other side. One I particularly admire because, when we were kids, he was Christian then and never stopped. Even when we were smoking and drinking he still seemed to maintain his faith. Today it seems stronger then ever. I'm sure he's had his trials over the years. Another from high school has found a measure of success in his career, I believe he's on his second marriage, and it seems strong at this time. But, as he said, he's never found his "spagetti monster". Which is a line from some movie or another that states he's never found religion. We were friends on a social site for a time, but somewhere religion came up (I believe it was me) and my belief that Jesus is the ONLY way and that certain other ways are false.

Inevitably a conflict rose in this, him calling me intolerant and what about the whole Christian love thing and all the violent persecution done in the name of Christ. Ultimately, he "unfriended me". There is little I can do about that besides pray for him.

Then there was yesterday after Thanksgiving dinner when we were getting ready to leave my parents house and my brother in law tries to tell me to take a half bottle of wine with me because he won't get back to it before it turns to vinegar. I gently reminded him that I quit drinking when my sister starts talking about how I should put it in the trunk because of the whole open container thing. So I told her I don't want any sort of container in my car, openned or not. She took it well with an "Ufda" and a smack to her own forehead. Other reactions were more along the lines of discomfort to my friend who we had invited that was smiling about it.

These things will happen, the surprising fact is that these loving family members who have always been kind and supportive had no idea that they were throwing a temptation my way. They hadn't even noticed that I didn't get a beer or a glass of wine. This is the first Thanksgiving in many years that I didn't have at least a couple of drinks (I've always had to drive home).

When you make major changes in your life, you always have to remember that others around you haven't made the same ones. In fact, most people around you are so wrapped up in just getting by they make surprisingly few changes of any kind, let alone the major changes of sobriety and becoming a follower of Christ.

Because of this, they tend to become ready made tools of ones who would see your downfall. They will, unknowing, chip away at your core beliefs that Jesus is the way, the truth, and the light. None may come to the Father except through Him. They will say that's fine for you but they just aren't like that. The more they believe that the truer it will become for them. But they won't be satisfied with that. My friend that "unfriended" me argues that we are closed minded and how do we know that there aren't other ways, why can't someone get to heaven just for being a "good person". Why can't other faiths be right as well? It only takes one line of the bible to tell you that the other faiths are either wrong, or we are. "None may come to the Father except through ME." When they here you say this, several things happen, especially if they're being guided by the adversary. They will call you intolerant. Say you are spreading hate. You are the problem.

This is when it is time to turn to Him, because it hurts when they say these things. Sometimes, you can see them shaking their heads as if you are the dense one, and its doubtful they've even openned a bible to see what is said. Another thing they will do is what I call "Pulling from the Atheist's playbook." This is any one of a number of verses from the bible that supposedly supports what they are saying. Maybe they bring up Leviticus and where it says to stone people. Maybe they bring up when God has told the Israelites to purge the land because He has given it to them. They will say this is proof of the violence and hatred.

What you do now is vitally important. Not for them, they are closed off. Their minds are made up and shut off about Christianity. Now you tell them about when Christ came, he changed all the rules. That he made a new commandment, "Love the Lord your God with all your heart mind soul and strength, and love your neighbor as yourself." Do this and you will follow the Lord your God as He wants us to.

Remember that you aren't doing this for them, you are doing this to strengthin your resolve and faith in the Lord. You are also following His instructions.
Luke 9:26
Whoever is ashamed of me and my words, the Son of Man will be ashamed of them when he comes in his glory and in the glory of the Father and of the holy angels.
Mark 8:38
If anyone is ashamed of me and my words in this adulterous and sinful generation, the Son of Man will be ashamed of them when he comes in his Father’s glory with the holy angels.”
Some of these people will understand and will hear the truth. As Christians, we have been commanded to go forth.
Matthew 28:19
Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit,
Others will disappear, fall away like chaf in the reaping. This is something I have to accept about some people. They simply don't understand where I am coming from anymore. What I view as the truth the way and the light, they just don't see or believe.

I've sent another friend request to my friend from high school. Several days ago, as a matter of fact. But at this time he has put me on the side of the religious intolerant. I'll continue to pray that he sees the truth for himself from some source before it's too late. Until then, I'll pray, I'll read the word, I'll write about what is right. There will be others who I drank with and partied with that will fall away, and I'll pray for them. But I'll never back down from the truth.

Pray that the Lord Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit put the right words in my mind to turn stone hearts soft so they may recieve the Holy Spirit and know the love of the Lord. Pray the same for yourselves that you may be good witnesses to the unbelievers in your lives.

What else? Thanksgiving of course

Here we are on the eve of Thanksgiving, or you may be reading this on Thanksgiving Day, and I'd like to express my abundant thanks to all who are in my life and allowing me to make an impact in their lives. We as Christians are in a unique community of love. We are on the outside, "In the world, but not a part of it." Funny, I've heard that phrase for years, quoted it myself, but when I search for it in the bible, I can never find it. Anyone who wants to let me know where it says that, you would do me a service.

I just finished watching a documentary on TV that was about people who have been laid off from their jobs and took it as an opportunity. Made significant changes to become something else other than what they had been pursuing for who knows how many years. In each of their stories, one thing stood out, they were all grateful for the chance that being unemployed gave them. Some went into business, others did volunteer work, one person even started a website that helps guide people who are looking for work. Some got mad initially, sure. But they didn't rest on their situation. They acted, moved forward.

I believe that my sobriety was, in a way, similar to what they did. It wasn't forced on me, no. But it was something that I had to decide for myself. I was shown a new path, and I've been walking it ever since, except when I had to be carried (catch the footprints reference?). But each day is a choice to continue walking, just as each day is a choice to continue following Jesus.

One of the differences between a secular person and a Christian (I won't speak for other religions, as I haven't studied them and made my choice) is that, if something happens, someone pulls the proverbial rug out from under you, quite often the secular person is lost. A part of their identity has been removed. Divorce, loss of job, children growing up, death of a loved one. All people, including many Christians tend to rely on these things for their identity. I'm a father, husband, warehouse worker, lawyer, republican, democrat, alcoholic, drug addict, depressive... We've turned these things into what we are, and they are all temporary.

What happens when you get married? Two become one in the eyes of God. We pour ourselves into it, we identify ourselves as married and we latch onto it. These are all good things. They are the right things to do in any line of thinking. But, after so many years of this identity, what happens with a divorce? The bottom falls out of our own identity.

I know, what does this have to do with being thankful? You're getting me down here. The answer is Jesus Christ. He is the one thing out there that will not fail you. He will not leave you, divorce you, fire you, He won't grow up and move out leaving an empty nest. If anything happens in your relationship with Him, it will be you turning from Him. Then He will wait patiently for you to open up to Him again. If you stumble and fall, He will help you back up. If I relapse and take a drink, He will be waiting for me to ask for Him. He will always be there.

I truly don't have the ability to express just how grateful I am for Him. To have Jesus in my life provides me the strength to continue. To know that His forgiveness is eternal no matter the worst I have done or will do (and I've done some doosies) is amazing.

I'm grateful for so many other things as well. My wife and family, the roof over our heads, food on our table, the job that provides the money for these things. The support of my parents and their willingness to step up and help. Good friends that have been with me through some very difficult times. Two sisters that have never (to the best of my knowledge, never) denied me as their brother. A church family and small group that supports me and encourages me in my Christian growth. The freedoms provided for in the Constitution. I could go on and on. These things are important, and provided for me by the love and grace of a perfect God who knows exactly what I need and when I need it.

(I'm thankful for spellcheck, too)

Politics and Jesus Christ

Am I really going to tackle this? Gonna give it a shot!

I remember a couple of years ago, when the 2008 Presidential election was going, the pastor of our church had a unifying sermon on was Jesus a liberal or a conservative. At the time, I was still drinking daily and in pretty fair quantities. Truth be told, I was getting pretty primed up in my drinking on a daily basis. But I was totally sober for church on Sunday morning, so I was okay, right? So I'm sure that I was extremely attentive and absorbed the sermon very well and remember the whole lesson.

Not so much. I was physically sober on Sunday mornings, usually thinking about the beer I was going to have with lunch when we got home. I did mostly pay attention to the sermons, but I can't say I absorbed as much as I should have.

Back to the subject at hand, what was our conclusion from the sermon? Is Jesus a liberal or a conservative? The answer I remember was you can't fit Jesus into a box of politics. His message of love and peace with his attitude of equality towards gentiles and Jews, His directions of charity and giving, caring for the sick, reaching out to the people on the fringes of society. These are all very clear messages that today would be considered in the domain of the politically liberal group. (I can argue that, and I'd be happy to, but that isn't what I'm doing today.) Then you consider that in just the 4 Gospels of Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John, Money is referenced no less than 32 times. I checked using a keyword search in Bible Gateway. Business is mentioned several times, taxes is used several times, and not in negative light. This is clearly a conservative point of view by popular modern standards.

The point is that there are many things that support a view that Jesus simply doesn't fit in a box that we want to put Him into. Our desire, our need to be right and to prove (there's that proving thing again) that we're right and they are wrong makes us want to put Jesus in a box and take only what supports our point of view from His teachings.

Jesus is bigger than that, and if we understand that, and operate from that standpoint, then we can reach across the aile as it were and be one people, under God. Note that I don't say one nation. This is bigger than our one nation of the United States of America. This is the entire Christian world. The U.S.A. is far from the most Christian country in the world, or the most tolerant of Christians. But that just shows how important it is for us to reach out to the other side in love and respect.

We must remember that we but stewards of this world, left in charge of it with God taking joy in all we do with it. All we build, create, innovate. These are things God loves and takes pleasure in. Not the wanton destruction of it, not wasting the resources He has so graciously given us. Note these are both concepts of liberal (green) and conservative (business, manufacturing).

All this being said, where do I stand? If you know me, it's quite clear that I'm...wait a minute, I'm the husband of a severely disabled wife, with a 7 year old boy and I depend on certain services from the state and federal government just to get by from day to day. Things I need to be able to go to work, Adult Day Health services, Home Health care services. On the other hand, I don't believe in handouts, there are several services that I don't take advantage of because of my pride, but also because I believe I should take care of my own, support my family. I don't use assistance for before and after school care for my son, nor do I use the free or reduced lunch at school for him. I believe in giving to those with less than I have, the food bank, the local mission or soup kitchen. I believe that if you need the help, there is someone out there ready and happy to help.

So, how do you choose where you stand politically as a Christian? You pray, you refer to your bible. You realize that to be more Christ-like, you can't be just a Democrat or Republican, liberal or conservative, small or big business. We are a blend of all these things, and it takes all these things for the Christian world to move forward. In my church alone, I know people who work with undocumented aliens, helping their children get health care, and business owners who have clear goals of growth and management strategies.

I've tried to pick in the past, most recently finding myself in the Tea Party attitude (again, if you want to debate this, I'm game, but not here). But I also realize that to tie myself to one group, one set of attitudes will ultimately pull me away from the most important group and set of attitudes that I am a part of.

Us Guys, We Do Think We Have To Prove Ourselves

Funny thing about us, we've been programmed since birth to prove ourselves to get our self-worth. We need that respect that comes from being acknowledged by our peers, our families, our church family.

I've bounced around a few ideas for tonight, but it came to me while I was sitting in service Sunday morning. Our pastor was talking on the Apostle's Creed, which we've been working our way through for several weeks now. We've been disecting it, line by line. Examining it's meaning, and why it was written. Sunday was about the Resurrection. He brought out someone to play the part of Thomas. Doubting Thomas, the one, when faced with the Risen King, had to put his hand in the spear wound in Christ's side, had to see the nail wounds in His hands. He, above all who witnessed, needed proof. What many don't know, is that after he got that proof he went further than all the others to spread the Good News. He went all the way to India!

This got me to thinking about my own need for proof in myself. Not proof of the Lord, He has given me the Holy Spirit. No other proof is needed. I guess I'm going off on a tangent here. What I'm really thinking about, is my need to prove myself to others. To feel validated in the eyes of others. It's just so rediculous. I have worked so very hard to impress my boss about how good I am at work, my wife how good a husband, my son how good a father (he probably doesn't see that now...), my parents how good an everything. I've even found myself striving to prove to my church family how good a Chirstian I am.

Seriously? Aside from Christ Himself, who can live up to all that? The stress and strain I've put myself under are WAY too much. I have the love of a God who numbered every hair on my head before I was born!

Luke 12:7 "Indeed the very hairs on your head are all numbered. Don't be afraid, for you are worth more than many sparrows."

God loves me so much, he sent his only begotten Son to earth, down into time, to live among us, to teach us, to die for us. To be risen on the 3rd day to break the barrier of death and pave the way for my eternal life! He now sits at the right hand of God and rules heaven. He sent the Holy Spirit to dwell with me and guide me in this world so that I may be a light unto the world for Him! I'm worried about proving myself to who? His love for me proves me. Just as it proves all Christians that follow Him. I don't have to prove how good a worker I am. As long as I'm following Him, I cannot fail. With His love, I am a good husband, son, father, worker, Christian! With His love, I can conquor my cravings, habits, and hang-ups.

When you follow Jesus Christ, everything is exactly as it should be. Not always easy, but always as it should be. I couldn't follow Christ with a drink in my hand, or with a bottle of pills, or with a joint, or with speed. I can follow Him with a clear head and a heart that has been purified by His everlasting love. My work life will go according to His plan, if that means I lose my job tomorrow, so be it. It will be hard, but we'll make it through to the next step he has for me together. To the best of my knowledge, I'm not losing my job tomorrow, but I have to have faith that He will see me through it. My homelife will go according to His plan. My extended family life will go according to His plan.

I have no need to prove myself to others. Jesus has seen my greatest flaws, my darkest secrets, my greatest shame and He still loves me and wants me. How can the validation of anyone else come close to comparing to that!

What happens when you listen to Jesus?

Wow! This is a question that we just don't ask often enough. We don't ask it enough because we rarely listen enough. If you told me that when I listened to Jesus everything would work out according to His plan I'd say, "Duh!" Being a follower it's an obvious thing to me that by listening to Him, I do His will. By ignoring Him, I do my will, which is selfish, flawed, and gives selfish, flawed results.

Part of the problem is that He asks us to do things that are difficult. We are asked to put other's needs first, sacrifice our pride, perhaps even demean ourselves to our perceived enemies, or at least people we don't particularly like. It isn't easy, it isn't how we have been taught by our society as a whole. Sure, we do it when we give to charity, the food bank, the collection plate at church. We sacrifice ourselves for our jobs, saying that it's for a better life for our families when we are actually sacrificing our families for our jobs. But that's not what this is about. This is about doing what Jesus tells us to do, even when we REALLY don't want to.

It could be any one of a number of things, giving a food ticket from a shelter to a homeless person. Most of us want to ignore the homeless in our communities. Now is definitely not the time to ignore them, temperatures are dropping, rain is falling, and soon it will be snow. But again, this is not what I'm talking about.

I'm talking about forgiveness here. Not granting it, asking for it. That's hard! You put yourself out there, you admit to someone that you were wr..wroooo....wrooonnnnggg! I don't know what it is you did. Maybe you lied to someone, maybe you stole something, maybe you pushed someone's buttons and made them yell at you so you would feel self-rightious and better then them. That's what I did, if you read yesterday's post you have that whole story. Not saying I haven't done all of those other things, too, and much worse. But we're dealing with the one at hand. If you haven't read yesterday's post I suggest you stop here and take a look at it, this will make more sense then.

It was REALLY HARD! It was in the back of my mind all the way to work. Then I saw him at work and he just didn't look happy. So I got to work, pulling orders and building hoses. Acting like nothing was wrong, like nothing was weighing on my heart. For over 2 hours I went on like this, until finally, the moment, and the courage, and the Holy Spirit said "Speak".

An amazing thing happened, I apologized to him, told him I was out of line and I could have chosen a much better way to handle the situation. He apologized back to me! He said that when he blew up it wasn't about that and some other things are happening. He even smiled. I felt this amazing weight lifted off my heart.

I'm not saying that we'll be friends or anything like that. But we found a middle ground of peace, and I owe it all to God. I listened to Him in His perfect timing and grace. I did what He told me to do, when He told me to do it, and things worked out perfectly.

So, what happens when you listen to Jesus? He tells you to do hard things. Things you wouldn't normally do on your own. He puts you into confrontational situations that you would far rather ignore or avoid. And if you continue to listen to Him, He rewards you with a peace, joy, and love that you have no chance of achieving on your own. He will bring you to new heights of accomplishment that have little or nothing to do with "normal" success. He will give you true happiness.

On this note, I'm going to go to bed, and sleep a peaceful sleep.

Is it okay for a Christian to get angry?

The short answer is no. Anger against one another is a sin. But it isn't that simple, is it? In the Old Testement there are numerous examples of anger and rage. In the New Testement we have the example of Jesus Himself being annoyed with the thick headedness (is that a word?) of the diciples.

Matthew 17:17 "You unblieving and perverse generation," Jesus replied, "how long shall I stay with you? How long shall I put up with you? Bring the boy to me." Matthew 16:23 "Jesus turned to Peter and said, 'Get behind me Satan! You are a stumbling block to me; you do not have in mind the concerns of God, but merely human concerns!"

In these two examples, we see Jesus reacting in exasperation in one, and anger in another. So clearly, there is a time for anger when dealing with the adversary. But what about each other? How are we supposed to show each other displeasure without anger?

There's a reason I'm asking, yesterday at work I had an argument with a coworker. There is no love lost between us, we are oil and water. I have attempted numerous times to open the lines of communication but he simply has no interest in any sort of friendship with me. To be perfectly honest, I'm not interested in friendship with him either. Aside from the 15 year difference in our ages, I'm a practicing Christian in recovery from alcohol (among other things), he's a 25 year old practicing drinker that lives very much like I did at age 25. We don't argue every day, more like every 6 months or so the tension builds up between us and something triggers it and BOOM! I never said I was the perfect Christian. Yesterday, it was foul language. Maybe you've noticed that most 20 somethings don't seem to think at all about blurting out profanity in a nonstop stream. It was happening and I've noticed it happens a lot with him. I said something to someone else nearby where he could hear very clearly, "f-ity f f f.." But I wasn't abbreviating or censoring the f word at all. That produced an immediate and expected reaction out of my coworker.

Was I right in doing what I did? No. Could I have handled it better? Absolutely. Is there anything I could have said to this particular person and not gotten a negative reaction out of him? No. But I certainly could have used a different tactic than what I did. I could have spoken to our immediate supervisor about how what he says in our warehouse is clearly heard by customers at our front counter. Our supervisor would have taken him aside, used his better attitude and better approach to talk to him about it and he would have had no idea that I was the one with a problem with his language. Now if I do that he will know precisely where it came from and will probably sulk and complain about me. Should this really concern me? No.

Ultimately, I realize that I set him up to blow up at me. I spurred him into anger through my own actions and that was wrong. In another time of my life, I would have complained about it to my wife and other coworkers. I would have talked about how immature he was and I would really have told this story to make myself out to be the victim of his anger. I can think of one person I actually did that with, too.

Those of you reading this post have walked with me through a revelation. When I began tonight, I hadn't even thought about how much of this was my own fault. I didn't realize just how manipulative I was. I deliberately got under his skin and pushed his animosity to the surface for my own purposes. I truly feel used by Satan himself. I feel like he figured out a way for me to sin in such a way that I could so easily blame someone else. It's the same for the temptation of that next drink, drug, infidelity, promiscuity. He knows our weaknesses better then we do ourselves and he uses them against us.

So, the short answer still fits. No, it is not okay for a Christian to get angry. I was angry at the foul language being used, and that opened me up to be used for the wrong purposes. In another time I would have complained while drinking a beer or a whiskey. I would have fumed at how this guy was just irrational and why couldn't he see what a nice guy I really am? Why can't we just get along while at work?

I see so clearly just what I did that caused this. This is the power of journaling. This is the reason I started this blog. Now I must ask for forgiveness from Jesus, and from my coworker. I'm not entirely certain how he will receive my request for forgiveness from him. I have absolutely no idea how I'm going to approach him. I've done such a good job pushing his buttons that he won't even look at me at work. This is certainly something I will pray on and I hope that anyone reading this will stop and say a quick prayer for me.

Take joy in the revelation that I've discovered this tactic that's been used against me by Satan. Pray that I remain on guard against the next attack and I keep Jesus on the forefront of my battle line. Pray that I remember the commandment "Love the Lord your God with all your heart, mind, soul, and strength, and Love your neighbor as yourself"

Thoughts on gratitude

Due to the proximity of Thanksgiving Day, much of the world of Recovery is concentrated on gratitude. Why is this? Because if you don't appreciate sobriety, you won't value it. I challenge people to think about what they are grateful for, narrow it down, refine it, define it. It's easy to go around a room and have everyone say something that they are grateful for.

I like being sober. But I used to like being drunk at times, too. I appreciate being sober. I used to appreciate a good microbrew or 10, too. But, to be truly grateful to our Lord and Savior for all he has done for us, to show the world, as the apostle Paul tried to teach, that takes another level entirely. We were told to let the world know us by our love for one another. We can't do that while drunk, high, anorexic, binging, cutting or any one the other 1000 different ways we've learned to abuse ourselves.

When I made the switch from being a believer to being a follower, I was stone cold sober for the first time in many years. I was in a situation where I didn't have any drink, and I couldn't get any drink. Jesus spoke to my heart, and I let the Holy Spirit in. It would be nice to say that He healed me right then and there and that I haven't desired a drink since. But that wasn't how He wanted to do it with me, and I am truly grateful for that. He made me walk through the withdrawals, the headaches, the anger, the shakes, the desires. He walked with me, He held me up and told me to take the next step. He told me through other people, like my pastor who helped guide me to my meetings, and He told me in my heart and soul.

Between then and now (and I only just past the 6 month mark), He changed me into a very different person. Oh, there are still many rough corners that need to be knocked off. I still have a lazy, selfish streak in me that causes me problems. But I pray that He will help me with those (I hope without a lot of self inflicted pain) and many other things that are stopping me from being the man I was meant to be.

I still have times that I feel bitter, childish, and self-centered. Yesterday was a big one for me. I have been called by the Lord of Lords to go help others with their problems, but I still fight my own selfishness. My prayer on that is that in helping others, I will help myself and find my own center.

In spite of all of that childish, self-centered whining, He still loves me. He still views me as a special, unique person and values me. I can't show enough gratitude to Jesus for that. He is the bridge between my selfish, sinful pride and the man I was meant to be. For me to pick up a drink now, after all He has done for me, is to put the nails back into His hands and put Him back up on that cross. I'm not saying that I don't think about drinking anymore. I'm not saying I'm not tempted anymore. But I am saying that I have a reason far larger than myself to fend off the temptation. I have the love of God Himself who sent down a part of Himself to die upon the cross, to be raised again, to walk the earth once more and be taken up to Heaven and seated at His right hand.

I have a friend

I have a friend, not a big deal, most of do. This friend, who will remain nameless because I haven't asked for permission to use their name, has just begun their journey into sobriety. Honestly, so have I. I know people who have YEARS behind them, I have a few months. Anyway, back to my friend. This friend is in the beginning, and seems to be trying to do all by themselves. I know this attitude very well.

There are those of us who take on the world. Not to fight it, to wear it, carry it around with us. We put on a good front with humor, or we attack with anger to keep people away. But ultimately, the result is the same, we try to handle all our problems on our own. I've learned something, I can't. That is exactly what led me down the path of a six pack a night with a chaser of whiskey on the rocks after dinner, then another, and another.

Christians are called to lean on one another in times of need. Yes, there's a song there, but my friends will tell you, I was not blessed with the gift of music.

2 Corinthians 13:11 Finally Brothers and Sisters rejoice! Strive for full restoration, encourage one another, be of one mind, live in peace. And the God of love and peace will be with you.

This is just one of many passages that tell us to love one another, encourage each other, serve each other humbly, lift each other up. The act of loving, encouraging, and serving each other brings us closer to Jesus. But when we cut ourselves off from each other, don't reach out to others in our own need, don't seek help from each other, we aren't serving God. This is not a path that shows strength, or independence, althought that's what the secular world says. "Go out there and stand on your own two feet!" "You can do it!" These are things we are told to do by the adversary. He wants us to try and fail.

Problems like alcohol, drugs, pornography, overeating are all creations of our own desire for control. Recovery requires help from others. Christian recovery gets you some of the biggest help there is, if you but ask for it.

Matthew 7:8 "For everyone who asks, receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.

I admit my own guilt in this, I have not always asked, or sought, or knocked. Sometimes when others came to me, I haven't always been there for them. I'd like to change that. I'd like to be there for others the way that Jesus is there for me. I want to always go to Him first.

Why we're here

I guess I should start with who I am and what I am doing here. My name is Cameron, I'm a follower of Jesus Christ and a functioning alcoholic. I'm in recovery and haven't had a drink since May 12, 2010. My walk with Jesus had a huge turning point on May 13, when I was in Malibu, Canada on a Men's Retreat and I realized that I hadn't had a drink in 24 hours. I went downhill from there as the initial withdrawal symptoms kicked in.

Once I was down, the Holy Spirit was able to get in and start to work on me. I went from believing to following on that trip.

Since then, I've been attending a Celebrate Recovery group weekly and read my Bible almost daily. I have to say almost because I was never a good student, so I have a tendency to miss a day or 2 here and there.

I decided to start this because I need to begin journaling on a routine basis as part of my recovery, and while I actually don't like hand writing, I'm at the computer most every night anyway. It just seemed to make sense, if this gets to one person that needs to see it, then I guess it was a great idea.