Let's see if I can keep it on track tonight.
I've been attending a Celebrate Recovery class for several months now, since the end of May 2010. If you don't know, it's a 12 step program like AA but fully Christian oriented. We have a little social time for the first half hour, a few show up for that. I like to be one of them, but if things are running late it's the easy thing to cut out of the evening. The next hour is dedicated to Bible Study and a lesson plan that's geared towards recovery. After a short break for bathrooms and cigs for the smokers (I gave that one up almost 3 years ago now, drinking was tougher I think) we split up into groups for men and women. This allows for a separate kind of sharing because it allows for the unique differences between how men and women think and share.
I have a pair of friends, they're a couple that have 2 children together and a history of drugs and alcohol. They've both been clean and sober for 8 months now (YEAH!). I've known him for almost 20 years now, and her for just a couple. They reside some distance away in downtown Seattle and attend AA meetings and counseling up there. They recently had to sell their car just to have a Christmas at all.
I've been trying to get them down into my area for months now to come to my C.R. class. He's been blowing me off for a long time now and finally I guess I just wore him down. God decided enough pussy footin around and put it in his heart to make the hour long bus ride with her, after he talked her into it too. Bear in mind they were facing another hour long bus ride to get home afterward. So this was a substantial time commitment for them.
Anyway, they finally came down, met me at my work, which probably saved about 45 minutes of bus time on top of the hour they had already been on for, and I took them to my house and fed them a decent dinner. Dinner was kind of part of the hook to getting them down. Then she found out that the whole meeting was 2 1/2 hours! "What? 2 1/2 hours? That's crazy, you didn't tell me that!" She was a bit surprised at that information. But we calmed her down with Starbucks before the meeting, so she had a good attitude for it (I'm kind of kidding here, she had a good attitude throughout, but the time took her by surprise).
I gave them a run down of how these meeting work and she was happy because she had been thinking she wanted more God in her life. I told her nearly everything in my life has God in it, so she was going to get some either way if the came around my house (cue the laugh track). Turns out that was exactly what she needed. He did too. They both found themselves sharing and asking questions. Opening up and talking about the kind of things you just don't normally do with people you just met. Later on he told me that it just felt safe and compelling to talk. I give that to God. He provided an environment where 2 people who were normally very guarded and not open with new people could safely open up.
In spite of all the difficulties to come down here, guess where they're planning on being this Friday?
It's all God's Amazing Work and it brings tears to my eyes to see Him at work in my friends. If you've tried to help friends that blow you off time and time again, if you know it's God's work, keep trying. Just smile when they make that next excuse and then try again. I never put them down, I never asked what their problem was, I never took it personally, I just kept inviting them.
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Saturday, December 11, 2010
I'm a Hypocrite
I've had an epiphany: The typical Christian that regularly reads the Bible and studies the Word and it's meaning has a very different point of view from the person, while I'm quite sure is very well meaning and caring of others, who simply doesn't follow the Word of God. This isn't a liberal vs conservative point of view, because I know wonderful Christians who fall on both sides of the fence on that. I discussed the concept of Politics and Jesus in an earlier post, if you want to know my view on that it's right there for you.
No, what I'm talking about is the hypocrisy found in the church. Does anyone believe that there aren't hypocrites in the church? If you think there aren't, and don't want to know, stop reading now.
So, assuming a person has become a Christian, has opened their heart to His love and seeks his guidance, one would expect a radical change in that person, right? Well, we have a saying, "Jesus takes you right where you are." All your bad habits, all your hang-ups, all your damage. When He enters your heart, it's all there. As an example, pornography. It's a touch subject for some people. I know one person who is completely secular, has nearly stopped speaking to me at all because I'm Christian and I think it makes her squirm just a little. But she has stated straight up that she does not believe in pornography. Obviously this is not for religious reasons but a moral standard she has developed on her own. On the other hand, I know at least a few Christians who have confessed a personal issue with it. In some cases they know its wrong, in others they are justifying it still. I myself have had my challenges with graven images (or is that craven images?). I do pretty good with it most of the time, but it's a weakness in me that I haven't fully given up to God.
Those that know me as a Christian who also may receive the occasional questionably racy email from me may consider me a hypocrite. I've been working on it. Still something I need to give up to God, but I'm a work in progress. Other things that Christians may have an issue with is drinking (uh, yup, that's me), gossip, pride, snubbing others, riotousness (I've had that one), drugs be they prescription or street (had that one before too), theft, adultery, tax cheats, abusers. What I'm saying here is that the average Christian has all the same problems coming at and from them that anybody else does.
So what does the outside world think when they see this? They think we should be all good all the time, loving everyone and everything. Professing that Jesus is our savior and that He heals all wounds and then walking around acting like everyone else just doesn't jive. Shouldn't we be better than that? Well, yes we should, and the person that has walked in the Word for many years may even be better than that. I can attest that I am a much better person now than I was 6 months ago. But the bar wasn't set very high to begin with. I still have a long way to go before I even reach the point that I could take a leadership role in my church, at least in my estimation. My house is far from in order. In spite of my many changes I still have many flaws that rear their ugly heads, and the people that know me who are not Christian are watching for those flaws. Not actively, and not maliciously. But when the pop up, they say things like, "I thought Cameron was supposed to be some uberChristian or something, why is he doing _____?" It's been said, and will be said again, I'm sure.
I enjoy a good debate. A civilized debate over a topic with a logical, intelligent person of differing views is mentally stimulating, challenging, and I find it highly enjoyable. I rarely back down from my point of view and have little issue continuing them for days if necessary. Inevitably, my religion will come out, whether by me or the other person who knows I'm a Christian and tries to use my faith against me. I welcome this because I am not ashamed of Jesus and I know He is right. So if I am using His words I know I'm doing just fine. Often, after some back and forth of this kind, they will pull the Christian Hypocrite card out. I'm not sure if they're trying to throw me off balance or not but they usually say something like, "Cameron, I have found Christians to be some of the most intolerant, uncompassionate people I know, all while attending church on Sundays and misconstruing the true message of the Bible to suit their beliefs." Pulled that one straight off a face book post from yesterday during a debate over social services.
Unfortunately, that's the experience many people have in dealing with us damaged, messed up Christians. Yes, there are hypocrites in the church, real hypocrites who go around spouting scripture while not believing a bit of it. But most of us are works in progress. Christ is with us, helping us when we need it and ask for it, but He doesn't force the changes on us, we have to seek them. We were given free will to choose Him or not, and when we do, and we listen, study, learn, and ask Him to, he makes incredible, wonderful changes in us. But we are still children, we have to try to do things on our own, not ask for help. We make mistakes and let our pride get in the way, or we gossip or partake in pornography because we think "I can handle it" or "it's no big deal". That's what they see. Not the 28 days that you were walking with Christ, but the 2 days you weren't. Not the 300 members of the church that volunteer and pay out of their own pockets to go to 3rd world countries to dig a well or build a house, but the one person in the congregation that fell and abused his wife, or the one with adultery issues, or the drunk. They point at those and say, "See! What a bunch of hypocrites!" What they don't realize is that abuser, that adulter, that drunk, they are all loved by Christ just as strongly as all the others and if those people will just hand those issues over to Christ, He will heal them and make them new.
So, if your wondering if you want to be a Christian but don't want to be one of those hypocrites, sorry, odds are you will probably be called one at some point or another. But if you want to hand over your issues to someone that will take them, reshape them into something beautiful, teach you to accept your past because you have such a fantastic future, walk with Jesus. He is by my side, waiting for me to hand over that next thing to get rid of. He is reshaping me into a tool for His use (yes, I said I'm a tool). I still have some sharp edges and rough spots, but we're working on that together. I'm so excited about my future now because I KNOW it's part of an outstanding plan. I've made mistakes, I will make more. If I'm out there doing His work there's a good chance I will be called worse things than hypocrite. I can't wait!
No, what I'm talking about is the hypocrisy found in the church. Does anyone believe that there aren't hypocrites in the church? If you think there aren't, and don't want to know, stop reading now.
So, assuming a person has become a Christian, has opened their heart to His love and seeks his guidance, one would expect a radical change in that person, right? Well, we have a saying, "Jesus takes you right where you are." All your bad habits, all your hang-ups, all your damage. When He enters your heart, it's all there. As an example, pornography. It's a touch subject for some people. I know one person who is completely secular, has nearly stopped speaking to me at all because I'm Christian and I think it makes her squirm just a little. But she has stated straight up that she does not believe in pornography. Obviously this is not for religious reasons but a moral standard she has developed on her own. On the other hand, I know at least a few Christians who have confessed a personal issue with it. In some cases they know its wrong, in others they are justifying it still. I myself have had my challenges with graven images (or is that craven images?). I do pretty good with it most of the time, but it's a weakness in me that I haven't fully given up to God.
Those that know me as a Christian who also may receive the occasional questionably racy email from me may consider me a hypocrite. I've been working on it. Still something I need to give up to God, but I'm a work in progress. Other things that Christians may have an issue with is drinking (uh, yup, that's me), gossip, pride, snubbing others, riotousness (I've had that one), drugs be they prescription or street (had that one before too), theft, adultery, tax cheats, abusers. What I'm saying here is that the average Christian has all the same problems coming at and from them that anybody else does.
So what does the outside world think when they see this? They think we should be all good all the time, loving everyone and everything. Professing that Jesus is our savior and that He heals all wounds and then walking around acting like everyone else just doesn't jive. Shouldn't we be better than that? Well, yes we should, and the person that has walked in the Word for many years may even be better than that. I can attest that I am a much better person now than I was 6 months ago. But the bar wasn't set very high to begin with. I still have a long way to go before I even reach the point that I could take a leadership role in my church, at least in my estimation. My house is far from in order. In spite of my many changes I still have many flaws that rear their ugly heads, and the people that know me who are not Christian are watching for those flaws. Not actively, and not maliciously. But when the pop up, they say things like, "I thought Cameron was supposed to be some uberChristian or something, why is he doing _____?" It's been said, and will be said again, I'm sure.
I enjoy a good debate. A civilized debate over a topic with a logical, intelligent person of differing views is mentally stimulating, challenging, and I find it highly enjoyable. I rarely back down from my point of view and have little issue continuing them for days if necessary. Inevitably, my religion will come out, whether by me or the other person who knows I'm a Christian and tries to use my faith against me. I welcome this because I am not ashamed of Jesus and I know He is right. So if I am using His words I know I'm doing just fine. Often, after some back and forth of this kind, they will pull the Christian Hypocrite card out. I'm not sure if they're trying to throw me off balance or not but they usually say something like, "Cameron, I have found Christians to be some of the most intolerant, uncompassionate people I know, all while attending church on Sundays and misconstruing the true message of the Bible to suit their beliefs." Pulled that one straight off a face book post from yesterday during a debate over social services.
Unfortunately, that's the experience many people have in dealing with us damaged, messed up Christians. Yes, there are hypocrites in the church, real hypocrites who go around spouting scripture while not believing a bit of it. But most of us are works in progress. Christ is with us, helping us when we need it and ask for it, but He doesn't force the changes on us, we have to seek them. We were given free will to choose Him or not, and when we do, and we listen, study, learn, and ask Him to, he makes incredible, wonderful changes in us. But we are still children, we have to try to do things on our own, not ask for help. We make mistakes and let our pride get in the way, or we gossip or partake in pornography because we think "I can handle it" or "it's no big deal". That's what they see. Not the 28 days that you were walking with Christ, but the 2 days you weren't. Not the 300 members of the church that volunteer and pay out of their own pockets to go to 3rd world countries to dig a well or build a house, but the one person in the congregation that fell and abused his wife, or the one with adultery issues, or the drunk. They point at those and say, "See! What a bunch of hypocrites!" What they don't realize is that abuser, that adulter, that drunk, they are all loved by Christ just as strongly as all the others and if those people will just hand those issues over to Christ, He will heal them and make them new.
So, if your wondering if you want to be a Christian but don't want to be one of those hypocrites, sorry, odds are you will probably be called one at some point or another. But if you want to hand over your issues to someone that will take them, reshape them into something beautiful, teach you to accept your past because you have such a fantastic future, walk with Jesus. He is by my side, waiting for me to hand over that next thing to get rid of. He is reshaping me into a tool for His use (yes, I said I'm a tool). I still have some sharp edges and rough spots, but we're working on that together. I'm so excited about my future now because I KNOW it's part of an outstanding plan. I've made mistakes, I will make more. If I'm out there doing His work there's a good chance I will be called worse things than hypocrite. I can't wait!
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
Christmas Party's and Sobriety
Just a quick note to my friends out there about Christmas party's. Note I don't call them "Holiday Party's". Personally, I'm celebrating the birth of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. To the people who love to argue this point, I am well aware that December 25 is highly unlikely to be the true birth date of Jesus. It's unlikely the Romans would have held a census around the winter solstice. Travel was far too difficult and dangerous during this time of year to expect people to show up. They were conquerors, but also bureaucrats. You have to be pragmatic about these things if you want to get them done.
No, it is far more likely that we simply co-opted the season for a variety of reasons. People needed a reason to have some fun during an otherwise very difficult time of year, a certain amount of the stores needed to get used or thrown away, and pagans were fairly accustomed to celebrating things now anyway. This would be a good thing to have them tune into the Way and the Life. Also note that celebration of Christmas is really not all that old of a tradition, at least in how it's celebrated today. Christ's Mass has been celebrated in some way or another since the 3rd century A.D.
So, without further ado, how does one celebrate Christmas without alcohol? I mean, go to virtually any Christmas party, be it company, family, or even church and you will often find drinks being served. Well, maybe not at the church one, but that would depend on the particular practices of the denomination. This year, as in most, I have 3 main parties I attend, one for company, one for church small group, and one for extended family. I've already been to the company, and the church small group one. Alcohol was conspicuously absent at the small group, which I didn't even notice until after. Last year, before I quit drinking, I remember there being beer and wine there. I thank them for their consideration for me. The company party, however, little changed. I could hardly expect them to change anything just for me. There's quite a few non-believers who have little problem tying one on with an open bar.
I actually felt no pressure or desire for a drink, perhaps because of the table I was at was with other Christians with their children, or perhaps I was just able to keep it out of my mind. But perhaps it was because the Holy Spirit was with me and protected me.
Psalm 121:7
The LORD will protect you from all evil;He will keep your soul.
2 Thessalonians 3:3
But the Lord is faithful, and He will strengthen and protect you from the evil one.
I trusted in Him, I walked in confident, without thoughts of resisting that which I chose not to partake in.
There are other challenges ahead, I'm sure. There are people I have spent previous holidays with that simply don't come around anymore. Christmas with extra nog in the egg nog. New Year's with Champagne.
I do believe I am more in the spirit of Christmas this year than I've been in many years. But I'll leave that for another night.
Be sure to share this on your pages and walls. Buttons below for easy sharing. Thank you and God Bless
No, it is far more likely that we simply co-opted the season for a variety of reasons. People needed a reason to have some fun during an otherwise very difficult time of year, a certain amount of the stores needed to get used or thrown away, and pagans were fairly accustomed to celebrating things now anyway. This would be a good thing to have them tune into the Way and the Life. Also note that celebration of Christmas is really not all that old of a tradition, at least in how it's celebrated today. Christ's Mass has been celebrated in some way or another since the 3rd century A.D.
So, without further ado, how does one celebrate Christmas without alcohol? I mean, go to virtually any Christmas party, be it company, family, or even church and you will often find drinks being served. Well, maybe not at the church one, but that would depend on the particular practices of the denomination. This year, as in most, I have 3 main parties I attend, one for company, one for church small group, and one for extended family. I've already been to the company, and the church small group one. Alcohol was conspicuously absent at the small group, which I didn't even notice until after. Last year, before I quit drinking, I remember there being beer and wine there. I thank them for their consideration for me. The company party, however, little changed. I could hardly expect them to change anything just for me. There's quite a few non-believers who have little problem tying one on with an open bar.
I actually felt no pressure or desire for a drink, perhaps because of the table I was at was with other Christians with their children, or perhaps I was just able to keep it out of my mind. But perhaps it was because the Holy Spirit was with me and protected me.
Psalm 121:7
The LORD will protect you from all evil;He will keep your soul.
2 Thessalonians 3:3
But the Lord is faithful, and He will strengthen and protect you from the evil one.
I trusted in Him, I walked in confident, without thoughts of resisting that which I chose not to partake in.
There are other challenges ahead, I'm sure. There are people I have spent previous holidays with that simply don't come around anymore. Christmas with extra nog in the egg nog. New Year's with Champagne.
I do believe I am more in the spirit of Christmas this year than I've been in many years. But I'll leave that for another night.
Be sure to share this on your pages and walls. Buttons below for easy sharing. Thank you and God Bless
Friday, December 3, 2010
Tomorrow's Flowers from Today's Seeds
Words said by one of the leaders at my Celebrate Recovery meeting tonight, "Tomorrow's flowers come from the seeds we plant today." I thanked him kindly for the subject of tonight's writing.
We are all planting seeds, all the time. The only question is what kind of fruit will grow from our seeds? What does the Bible have to say about it? Jesus gave a parable on it. For a basic definition of a parable, it's a story designed to enlighten or show a lesson. Jesus used them frequently to be able to give a lesson to those who may not otherwise listen. Matthew 13:10-17 gives His explanation for using parables
11Jesus answered them, "(G)To you it has been granted to know the mysteries of the kingdom of heaven, but to them it has not been granted.
12"(H)For whoever has, to him more shall be given, and he will have an abundance; but whoever does not have, even what he has shall be taken away from him.
13"Therefore I speak to them in parables; because while (I)seeing they do not see, and while hearing they do not hear, nor do they understand.
14"In their case the prophecy of Isaiah is being fulfilled, which says,
'(J)YOU WILL KEEP ON HEARING, BUT WILL NOT UNDERSTAND;
YOU WILL KEEP ON SEEING, BUT WILL NOT PERCEIVE;
15(K)FOR THE HEART OF THIS PEOPLE HAS BECOME DULL,
WITH THEIR EARS THEY SCARCELY HEAR,
AND THEY HAVE CLOSED THEIR EYES,
OTHERWISE THEY WOULD SEE WITH THEIR EYES,
HEAR WITH THEIR EARS,
AND UNDERSTAND WITH THEIR HEART AND RETURN,
AND I WOULD HEAL THEM.'
16"(L)But blessed are your eyes, because they see; and your ears, because they hear.
17"For truly I say to you that (M)many prophets and righteous men desired to see what you see, and did not see it, and to hear what you hear, and did not hear it.
He goes on after this and gives the parable of the sower.
Matthew 13:18-23
19"When anyone hears (O)the word of the kingdom and does not understand it, (P)the evil one comes and snatches away what has been sown in his heart. This is the one on whom seed was sown beside the road.
20"The one on whom seed was sown on the rocky places, this is the man who hears the word and immediately receives it with joy;
21yet he has no firm root in himself, but is only temporary, and when affliction or persecution arises because of the word, immediately he (Q)falls away.
22"And the one on whom seed was sown among the thorns, this is the man who hears the word, and the worry of (R)the world and the (S)deceitfulness of wealth choke the word, and it becomes unfruitful.
23"And the one on whom seed was sown on the good soil, this is the man who hears the word and understands it; who indeed bears fruit and brings forth, some (T)a hundredfold, some sixty, and some thirty."
We scatter seeds to the world with our words and our actions. Make no mistake, the world is paying attention to us. Some are waiting to see us stumble and say, "Look at the foolish Christian, he can't even follow his own rules!" But others are watching to see if they want to join us. When we scatter seeds, some land in fertile soil and take root. These will grow into good strong Christians that will be as in verse 23 above. But we don't know who that is, so we scatter our seeds of good will and the love of Jesus, hoping and praying that they will grow.
I have one seed that has recently taken it upon itself to begin to grow. I pray that it will find good purchase and sunlight to grow into a healthy Christian. Questions are being asked, help is being given, these are the water and fertilizer needed.
Other seeds I have scattered have fallen on far more rocky ground and is not growing at all or the seeds have withered and dried up. I grieve for these and I pray that when I come back to these I will have the right words to help them see the truth. Still others, while they may not produce sudden converts to the faith, have proven to bear some fruit of potential friendship in areas that were less than hospitable before. Where I can find friendship, with God's help, we can create faith. Especially in areas that had once held faith before. Maybe someone that you find out was active in their church growing up, or in college. Sometimes you find someone who outright asks you about this crazy Christian thing.
So we continue to sow the seeds of Jesus. We scatter them as we go about our lives, nurture the ones that respond, build our own faith through the word to protect ourselves from the detractors, and pray for the ones that don't respond or fall away. After all, when the seed fell on me, at first I wasn't the best soil for it, but over time He changed me into something He could work with. God tends to work with the most unlikely of tools. Or in my case, a tool shed. But talking about the people He uses is for another day.
We are all planting seeds, all the time. The only question is what kind of fruit will grow from our seeds? What does the Bible have to say about it? Jesus gave a parable on it. For a basic definition of a parable, it's a story designed to enlighten or show a lesson. Jesus used them frequently to be able to give a lesson to those who may not otherwise listen. Matthew 13:10-17 gives His explanation for using parables
An Explanation
10And the disciples came and said to Him, "Why do You speak to them in parables?"11Jesus answered them, "(G)To you it has been granted to know the mysteries of the kingdom of heaven, but to them it has not been granted.
12"(H)For whoever has, to him more shall be given, and he will have an abundance; but whoever does not have, even what he has shall be taken away from him.
13"Therefore I speak to them in parables; because while (I)seeing they do not see, and while hearing they do not hear, nor do they understand.
14"In their case the prophecy of Isaiah is being fulfilled, which says,
'(J)YOU WILL KEEP ON HEARING, BUT WILL NOT UNDERSTAND;
YOU WILL KEEP ON SEEING, BUT WILL NOT PERCEIVE;
15(K)FOR THE HEART OF THIS PEOPLE HAS BECOME DULL,
WITH THEIR EARS THEY SCARCELY HEAR,
AND THEY HAVE CLOSED THEIR EYES,
OTHERWISE THEY WOULD SEE WITH THEIR EYES,
HEAR WITH THEIR EARS,
AND UNDERSTAND WITH THEIR HEART AND RETURN,
AND I WOULD HEAL THEM.'
16"(L)But blessed are your eyes, because they see; and your ears, because they hear.
17"For truly I say to you that (M)many prophets and righteous men desired to see what you see, and did not see it, and to hear what you hear, and did not hear it.
He goes on after this and gives the parable of the sower.
Matthew 13:18-23
The Sower Explained
18"(N)Hear then the parable of the sower.19"When anyone hears (O)the word of the kingdom and does not understand it, (P)the evil one comes and snatches away what has been sown in his heart. This is the one on whom seed was sown beside the road.
20"The one on whom seed was sown on the rocky places, this is the man who hears the word and immediately receives it with joy;
21yet he has no firm root in himself, but is only temporary, and when affliction or persecution arises because of the word, immediately he (Q)falls away.
22"And the one on whom seed was sown among the thorns, this is the man who hears the word, and the worry of (R)the world and the (S)deceitfulness of wealth choke the word, and it becomes unfruitful.
23"And the one on whom seed was sown on the good soil, this is the man who hears the word and understands it; who indeed bears fruit and brings forth, some (T)a hundredfold, some sixty, and some thirty."
We scatter seeds to the world with our words and our actions. Make no mistake, the world is paying attention to us. Some are waiting to see us stumble and say, "Look at the foolish Christian, he can't even follow his own rules!" But others are watching to see if they want to join us. When we scatter seeds, some land in fertile soil and take root. These will grow into good strong Christians that will be as in verse 23 above. But we don't know who that is, so we scatter our seeds of good will and the love of Jesus, hoping and praying that they will grow.
I have one seed that has recently taken it upon itself to begin to grow. I pray that it will find good purchase and sunlight to grow into a healthy Christian. Questions are being asked, help is being given, these are the water and fertilizer needed.
Other seeds I have scattered have fallen on far more rocky ground and is not growing at all or the seeds have withered and dried up. I grieve for these and I pray that when I come back to these I will have the right words to help them see the truth. Still others, while they may not produce sudden converts to the faith, have proven to bear some fruit of potential friendship in areas that were less than hospitable before. Where I can find friendship, with God's help, we can create faith. Especially in areas that had once held faith before. Maybe someone that you find out was active in their church growing up, or in college. Sometimes you find someone who outright asks you about this crazy Christian thing.
So we continue to sow the seeds of Jesus. We scatter them as we go about our lives, nurture the ones that respond, build our own faith through the word to protect ourselves from the detractors, and pray for the ones that don't respond or fall away. After all, when the seed fell on me, at first I wasn't the best soil for it, but over time He changed me into something He could work with. God tends to work with the most unlikely of tools. Or in my case, a tool shed. But talking about the people He uses is for another day.
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
Who am I?
Probably a more accurate question is, "Who am I becoming?"
It's widely known in the psychology of addiction that once a person becomes an addict, they stop growing emotionally. The good news is that once the addiction is broken there is a quick upcurve of growth to bring the person to a more normal state for their age. The bad news is that it leaves the addict floundering about wondering this and that. Jumping from one emotion to another like a surly teenager. The worst of this lasts for the first month and then begins to ebb over time.
In my mind, this is why so many programs are 30, 60, and 90 days. It give you the support you need for that first period when you're an emotional basket case. When you're broken, crying, angry. This is a time that it's the easiest to go right back to our addictions. This is also an excellent time to pick up a bible. It gives you the stability and shows you the love that you haven't felt properly for however long you've been using.
When I first dried up I was at a Men's Christian Retreat. I spent the first dry days in many years praising Jesus and accepting the Holy Spirit into my heart. I believe this is what gave me the strength to continue on my path to sobriety. Had I been in a different situation when I dried up, jail for example, it is very doubtful I would have actually continued down the path. More likely I would have walked out of there and headed for the nearest bar to "destress".
So, when did I become an addict? This is a difficult question for me to answer. I know some who can point to a specific point and say "There, that's when I went from a social user of _____ and became and addict." Personally, I think it was much more insipid. More like being stalked by a serpent than pounced on by a lion. Slowly but surely, over a period of years, Satan worked on me. He knew that he could get me because he started when I was young. I figure I was around 14 when he started on me. Smoking cigarettes, a little pot, a beer here and there. Always just a little bit so I would think it was "no big deal".
I can't say I had a really strong Christian upbringing. We attended church semi regular. I went to the youth group on Wednesdays. I enjoyed the time but I was more along for the ride than to learn about Jesus and build my faith. This made me a fairly easy target. There wasn't much in my heart and I certainly didn't know myself so it was easy for Satan to move right on in. Later, I had other influences that continued to push me down the wrong path. My time in Kansas City when I was living with a biker named Jeff. Not someone you would call a bad guy, but he did like cocaine and whiskey. I was 18 and more than ready to join him just to be accepted.
This is the kind of path I was lead down, and I walked it happily and blithely unaware of the results.
It would be relatively reasonable to say I was something of an addict at this time, but I don't think it really set in until my early to mid 20's when I found speed, mixed with alcohol, mixed with whatever else. So, then in May, when I turned 40 years old, I was mentally and emotionally around 23. Still pretty dumb, lazy, and self-centered. So who am I becoming? Well, I'm still a procrastinator, I still don't see the dusting that needs to be done in the house. But I've learned to take care of my bills much better, I've learned that, even when I was an active high functioning alcoholic I could step up and take care of things with a lot of help. So I can both take care of things with less help now, and I'm more mature to know when to ask for help and how to accept it when offerred without getting defensive or prideful. I've found my political identity and what I stand for as an American.
Most importantly, I've found my identity in Christ. I now know that He will be with me until the end of time itself and beyond. I have given myself to Him and He has rewarded me and will continue to reward my devotion and faith. For what seems the first time in many years, I'm excited about the future. Not just some abstract concept of the future, but a future of hope, love and grace from now unto eternity!
It hasn't always been easy, and there is nothing in the bible that says it will be. In fact, there are times that we are told that we will be persecuted because of Jesus and what He stands for.
Matthew 5:10
"Blessed are those who have been persecuted for the sake of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
John 15:20
"Remember the word that I said to you, ' A slave is not greater than his master ' If they persecuted Me, they will also persecute you; if they kept My word, they will keep yours also.
So ask Jesus, in His name, with faith the size a mustard seed, to set you free of your addictions. Trust that He will do it in the way that is best for you. It is written:
John 14:14
"If you ask Me anything in My name, I will do it.
Remember the power of His name. Call on it when it is difficult, praise it when it is hard, love it because He is.
God's Blessings
It's widely known in the psychology of addiction that once a person becomes an addict, they stop growing emotionally. The good news is that once the addiction is broken there is a quick upcurve of growth to bring the person to a more normal state for their age. The bad news is that it leaves the addict floundering about wondering this and that. Jumping from one emotion to another like a surly teenager. The worst of this lasts for the first month and then begins to ebb over time.
In my mind, this is why so many programs are 30, 60, and 90 days. It give you the support you need for that first period when you're an emotional basket case. When you're broken, crying, angry. This is a time that it's the easiest to go right back to our addictions. This is also an excellent time to pick up a bible. It gives you the stability and shows you the love that you haven't felt properly for however long you've been using.
When I first dried up I was at a Men's Christian Retreat. I spent the first dry days in many years praising Jesus and accepting the Holy Spirit into my heart. I believe this is what gave me the strength to continue on my path to sobriety. Had I been in a different situation when I dried up, jail for example, it is very doubtful I would have actually continued down the path. More likely I would have walked out of there and headed for the nearest bar to "destress".
So, when did I become an addict? This is a difficult question for me to answer. I know some who can point to a specific point and say "There, that's when I went from a social user of _____ and became and addict." Personally, I think it was much more insipid. More like being stalked by a serpent than pounced on by a lion. Slowly but surely, over a period of years, Satan worked on me. He knew that he could get me because he started when I was young. I figure I was around 14 when he started on me. Smoking cigarettes, a little pot, a beer here and there. Always just a little bit so I would think it was "no big deal".
I can't say I had a really strong Christian upbringing. We attended church semi regular. I went to the youth group on Wednesdays. I enjoyed the time but I was more along for the ride than to learn about Jesus and build my faith. This made me a fairly easy target. There wasn't much in my heart and I certainly didn't know myself so it was easy for Satan to move right on in. Later, I had other influences that continued to push me down the wrong path. My time in Kansas City when I was living with a biker named Jeff. Not someone you would call a bad guy, but he did like cocaine and whiskey. I was 18 and more than ready to join him just to be accepted.
This is the kind of path I was lead down, and I walked it happily and blithely unaware of the results.
It would be relatively reasonable to say I was something of an addict at this time, but I don't think it really set in until my early to mid 20's when I found speed, mixed with alcohol, mixed with whatever else. So, then in May, when I turned 40 years old, I was mentally and emotionally around 23. Still pretty dumb, lazy, and self-centered. So who am I becoming? Well, I'm still a procrastinator, I still don't see the dusting that needs to be done in the house. But I've learned to take care of my bills much better, I've learned that, even when I was an active high functioning alcoholic I could step up and take care of things with a lot of help. So I can both take care of things with less help now, and I'm more mature to know when to ask for help and how to accept it when offerred without getting defensive or prideful. I've found my political identity and what I stand for as an American.
Most importantly, I've found my identity in Christ. I now know that He will be with me until the end of time itself and beyond. I have given myself to Him and He has rewarded me and will continue to reward my devotion and faith. For what seems the first time in many years, I'm excited about the future. Not just some abstract concept of the future, but a future of hope, love and grace from now unto eternity!
It hasn't always been easy, and there is nothing in the bible that says it will be. In fact, there are times that we are told that we will be persecuted because of Jesus and what He stands for.
Matthew 5:10
"Blessed are those who have been persecuted for the sake of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
John 15:20
"Remember the word that I said to you, ' A slave is not greater than his master ' If they persecuted Me, they will also persecute you; if they kept My word, they will keep yours also.
So ask Jesus, in His name, with faith the size a mustard seed, to set you free of your addictions. Trust that He will do it in the way that is best for you. It is written:
John 14:14
"If you ask Me anything in My name, I will do it.
Remember the power of His name. Call on it when it is difficult, praise it when it is hard, love it because He is.
God's Blessings
Sunday, November 28, 2010
God's Judgement according to Jesus
What is judgement? What do you think of? Man's judgement is common. We think of courtrooms and black robes (at least in the U.S. which is were I know it from). We think of arguments, Perry Mason, Matlock, and untold number of other characters on TV. Police, detectives, etc, etc... We judge each other on a daily, perhaps hourly basis. We keep up with the Jonse's, we cut down those who have more than us. We talk about those with less.
Is is so very strange that we have a difficult time accepting the forgiveness of the Lord? We have such a strong tendency to think of Jesus as simple as we are. But He is so much more than we can ever be. He is part of the Holy Trinity, the Uncreated One. To think of His judgement as anything like ours is not only foolish, it's demeaning to Him.
But we have only our own way of doing things to compare His way to. If we have such a difficult time forgiving the minor transgressions of our neighbors, how can He possibly forgive us the terrible things we have done? If you're in recovery, you are probably facing some pretty horrible things that you've done. Maybe you lied to people you loved, or stole from them. Maybe you've been abusive in any one of a number of ways. These are things that our society not only frowns on, some will see you ostracized or imprisoned. Some things are considered so bad that we say you should be tracked and mark yourself out as someone to be avoided. I pray that you haven't done anything THAT bad. But the truth is, some people do those kinds of things.
Some of the things we've done have been directly against all the Christian faith holds dear. We've blasphemed against Him, hated Him, told Him to look away while we do things. I still feel shame over things I did while in the depth of my addictions. When we hold our sins up against the Jesus we think we know, the one that we like say thinks like us, we're in big trouble. How could He possibly forgive ME? After all I've done and said? After the way I abused myself? Stole to support my habit at times? Being verbally abusive towards the very people who love me most? Lied about myself, to myself.
I could go on this vein, easily, but I'd wager that somewhere along the way I struck a chord with some of you out there. So, what does the bible say about His forgiveness? How deep is His love for us?
Is is so very strange that we have a difficult time accepting the forgiveness of the Lord? We have such a strong tendency to think of Jesus as simple as we are. But He is so much more than we can ever be. He is part of the Holy Trinity, the Uncreated One. To think of His judgement as anything like ours is not only foolish, it's demeaning to Him.
But we have only our own way of doing things to compare His way to. If we have such a difficult time forgiving the minor transgressions of our neighbors, how can He possibly forgive us the terrible things we have done? If you're in recovery, you are probably facing some pretty horrible things that you've done. Maybe you lied to people you loved, or stole from them. Maybe you've been abusive in any one of a number of ways. These are things that our society not only frowns on, some will see you ostracized or imprisoned. Some things are considered so bad that we say you should be tracked and mark yourself out as someone to be avoided. I pray that you haven't done anything THAT bad. But the truth is, some people do those kinds of things.
Some of the things we've done have been directly against all the Christian faith holds dear. We've blasphemed against Him, hated Him, told Him to look away while we do things. I still feel shame over things I did while in the depth of my addictions. When we hold our sins up against the Jesus we think we know, the one that we like say thinks like us, we're in big trouble. How could He possibly forgive ME? After all I've done and said? After the way I abused myself? Stole to support my habit at times? Being verbally abusive towards the very people who love me most? Lied about myself, to myself.
I could go on this vein, easily, but I'd wager that somewhere along the way I struck a chord with some of you out there. So, what does the bible say about His forgiveness? How deep is His love for us?
Romans 8:39
neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
John 3:16
For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.
John 3:16 speaks volumes to us. He GAVE his one and only Son, that whoever BELIEVES in him shall not perish but have ETERNAL LIFE.
Romans 8:39 states very clearly that NOTHING will be able to separate us from the love of God.
So, what is God's judgement for us? When our bodies finally give way, and we are standing in the courtroom of the Lord, what will he say about those terrible things we did? Those things that haunt us, make us start awake with their mere memory in the dark of night. Those things we keep close to our hearts lest anyone find out about them. Well, there it is, isn't it. If we are holding these things so closely, we haven't given them up to Him. But, if we give it up to Him, repent, ask for his forgiveness, He will give it and cast our sins as far as the east is from the west. We will be purified and clean in the eyes of God.
He wants it all to be forgiven, the big, the little, it's all the same to Him. There is nothing so bad that He won't forgive you for it. So when you stand in the court of the Father, and you are laid bare before Him, there will be nothing to keep you from entering the gates of heaven. When Jesus comes to judge the quick (living) and the dead as stated in Revelations, He will look at you with love and judge you clean because you accepted, loved, and followed Him.
This, to me is the ultimate purpose of step 4. When you do a personal inventory, if you are honest about it, you expose your faults, flaws, and sins. If you do a thorough job of it, you expose your assets, too. Once exposed to the light of day, you can then hand them to Jesus. Then He will cast them away and it will be as though they never happened.
neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
John 3:16
For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.
John 3:16 speaks volumes to us. He GAVE his one and only Son, that whoever BELIEVES in him shall not perish but have ETERNAL LIFE.
Romans 8:39 states very clearly that NOTHING will be able to separate us from the love of God.
So, what is God's judgement for us? When our bodies finally give way, and we are standing in the courtroom of the Lord, what will he say about those terrible things we did? Those things that haunt us, make us start awake with their mere memory in the dark of night. Those things we keep close to our hearts lest anyone find out about them. Well, there it is, isn't it. If we are holding these things so closely, we haven't given them up to Him. But, if we give it up to Him, repent, ask for his forgiveness, He will give it and cast our sins as far as the east is from the west. We will be purified and clean in the eyes of God.
He wants it all to be forgiven, the big, the little, it's all the same to Him. There is nothing so bad that He won't forgive you for it. So when you stand in the court of the Father, and you are laid bare before Him, there will be nothing to keep you from entering the gates of heaven. When Jesus comes to judge the quick (living) and the dead as stated in Revelations, He will look at you with love and judge you clean because you accepted, loved, and followed Him.
This, to me is the ultimate purpose of step 4. When you do a personal inventory, if you are honest about it, you expose your faults, flaws, and sins. If you do a thorough job of it, you expose your assets, too. Once exposed to the light of day, you can then hand them to Jesus. Then He will cast them away and it will be as though they never happened.
Saturday, November 27, 2010
Step 4, a Personal Inventory and The Screwtape Letters
Wait, what? Decide what you're talking about here Cameron. I actually think they can work together. Anyone who has worked the 12 steps for whatever reason, be it alcohol, drugs, depression, co-dependence, sex, has gotten to where I am and been given to pause. That's where I am tonight. Needing to begin my checklist of flaws and assets. This will lead me to the necessity of finding a proper sponser.
But what about The Screwtape Letters? If you've never read them, they are a series of letters from a senior demon giving advice to a lesser one on how to handle his "patient" or human. Throughout the book, we hear about how, in this day and age (these were written during WW II I believe, but the format still works well today), their current instructions are to remain hidden and the best place in our minds is for us to not even believe they exist at all. Instead trying to guide us through our own physical desires and failings away from what they call "the Enemy". They use our weaknesses against us, making small things that may bug us seem large that increase our anger at each other. Blind us to our own bad habits that may annoy others in our lives. Make us feel that we are right and they are wrong.
Have you ever felt that way? That feeling that in spite of the logic of their argument, you KNOW you're right, they MUST be wrong and you'll stop at nothing to prove it! I've been guilty of that, more than a few times. Another thing they do is make us question our faith. Careful here, there is such a thing as good doubt. That's the kind of doubt that is open to receiving the answer, not the hard headed doubt of the devout agnostic that is questioning just to catch you and drag you down to their level.
I'm just now approaching Step 4, and I can feel the devils in me trying to get me not to. They don't want me to perform this self-examination. They don't want me to reveal myself to myself. The more ignorant of myself I remain the better and more likely I am to be influenced by their whisperings. They are very likely to have me list flaw after flaw with hardly an asset in the mix. This is so easy to do and to fall prey to. "We are our own worst critic."
While I'm doing this, I'm going to refer continuously to the Word. Let His Love for me be shown in my inventory. Remember that He thinks I am special and unique in all of creation. I will approach this as an oppurtunity to know myself better and thus know Him better. I'm expecting this to take a while, I don't think I should rush it too much because it gets hard or embarassing.
If you think this is any good, use the toolbar below to post it to your social sites. If there is someone you know that is struggling with something and may see encouragement from my ramblings, by all means, post this.
But what about The Screwtape Letters? If you've never read them, they are a series of letters from a senior demon giving advice to a lesser one on how to handle his "patient" or human. Throughout the book, we hear about how, in this day and age (these were written during WW II I believe, but the format still works well today), their current instructions are to remain hidden and the best place in our minds is for us to not even believe they exist at all. Instead trying to guide us through our own physical desires and failings away from what they call "the Enemy". They use our weaknesses against us, making small things that may bug us seem large that increase our anger at each other. Blind us to our own bad habits that may annoy others in our lives. Make us feel that we are right and they are wrong.
Have you ever felt that way? That feeling that in spite of the logic of their argument, you KNOW you're right, they MUST be wrong and you'll stop at nothing to prove it! I've been guilty of that, more than a few times. Another thing they do is make us question our faith. Careful here, there is such a thing as good doubt. That's the kind of doubt that is open to receiving the answer, not the hard headed doubt of the devout agnostic that is questioning just to catch you and drag you down to their level.
I'm just now approaching Step 4, and I can feel the devils in me trying to get me not to. They don't want me to perform this self-examination. They don't want me to reveal myself to myself. The more ignorant of myself I remain the better and more likely I am to be influenced by their whisperings. They are very likely to have me list flaw after flaw with hardly an asset in the mix. This is so easy to do and to fall prey to. "We are our own worst critic."
While I'm doing this, I'm going to refer continuously to the Word. Let His Love for me be shown in my inventory. Remember that He thinks I am special and unique in all of creation. I will approach this as an oppurtunity to know myself better and thus know Him better. I'm expecting this to take a while, I don't think I should rush it too much because it gets hard or embarassing.
If you think this is any good, use the toolbar below to post it to your social sites. If there is someone you know that is struggling with something and may see encouragement from my ramblings, by all means, post this.
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