Step 4, a Personal Inventory and The Screwtape Letters

Wait, what? Decide what you're talking about here Cameron. I actually think they can work together. Anyone who has worked the 12 steps for whatever reason, be it alcohol, drugs, depression, co-dependence, sex, has gotten to where I am and been given to pause. That's where I am tonight. Needing to begin my checklist of flaws and assets. This will lead me to the necessity of finding a proper sponser.

But what about The Screwtape Letters? If you've never read them, they are a series of letters from a senior demon giving advice to a lesser one on how to handle his "patient" or human. Throughout the book, we hear about how, in this day and age (these were written during WW II I believe, but the format still works well today), their current instructions are to remain hidden and the best place in our minds is for us to not even believe they exist at all. Instead trying to guide us through our own physical desires and failings away from what they call "the Enemy". They use our weaknesses against us, making small things that may bug us seem large that increase our anger at each other. Blind us to our own bad habits that may annoy others in our lives. Make us feel that we are right and they are wrong.

Have you ever felt that way? That feeling that in spite of the logic of their argument, you KNOW you're right, they MUST be wrong and you'll stop at nothing to prove it! I've been guilty of that, more than a few times. Another thing they do is make us question our faith. Careful here, there is such a thing as good doubt. That's the kind of doubt that is open to receiving the answer, not the hard headed doubt of the devout agnostic that is questioning just to catch you and drag you down to their level.

I'm just now approaching Step 4, and I can feel the devils in me trying to get me not to. They don't want me to perform this self-examination. They don't want me to reveal myself to myself. The more ignorant of myself I remain the better and more likely I am to be influenced by their whisperings. They are very likely to have me list flaw after flaw with hardly an asset in the mix. This is so easy to do and to fall prey to. "We are our own worst critic."

While I'm doing this, I'm going to refer continuously to the Word. Let His Love for me be shown in my inventory. Remember that He thinks I am special and unique in all of creation. I will approach this as an oppurtunity to know myself better and thus know Him better. I'm expecting this to take a while, I don't think I should rush it too much because it gets hard or embarassing.

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